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Open Poetry #23
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Dark Angel, Chipped Halo
| Open Poetry #23 |
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Dark Angel, Chipped Halo |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space 
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Burnt wings folded neatly behind a broken back Remnants of distant days when the fate of Icarus was not her own Her Dark eyes speak of innocence stolen and Kingdoms lost Weighted by the gravity of afflictions she should never have borne They cloak her infinite beauty in shrouds of shadow and doubt May love find and mend the wounds that keep an angel grounded too long (all apologies, the muses frown upon me tonight) A little aside: I changed the title a couple of times last night, originally it was Dark Angel but I didn't want Maree to think i was coming on to her so it's gone through about 4 or 5 changes since. how's that for obsessive compulsiveness?! lol [This message has been edited by Aenimal (12-07-2002 01:14 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
This is beautiful. The language, the form, the image, the emotion. Quite beautiful. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Wish the muses would frown on me the same way.  |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) And your lovely muse shines upon us all here, sweet Raphael, youn speak with such compassion in these words and I wish too for the robin to make amends and for all wings to be healed and mended! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Raphael, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
First of all for those who berated me for putting myself down in another post I wrote this BEFORE the John post so please don't mention the muses quote! I know i'm working on it. Pilgramage thank you for such kind words Midnite I read you're work often, they're always smiling on you  Noah! Thank you haven't seen you in a few days, hope all is well. Thanks for the kind words! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
What an excellent write Raphael.. I almost missed it, glad I didnt  enjoyed Maree.  |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Glad you didn't too, glad you liked it. thanks Maree raph |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Raph: ah yes... those dark eyes which hold lifetimes of secrets and sorrows... This poem makes me picture something between a Batman cel and a scene from Xena or Hercules... Somber, but moving... -MVS "AS ABOVE SO BELOW" |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
MARK S. Van Morrison's Brown Eyed girl comes to mind..I'll always love dark hair anddark eyes..sigh When you say a batman cell do you meen the FOX batman or the WB batman? I prefer the FOX, much more moody lol :P [This message has been edited by Aenimal (12-08-2002 04:28 AM).] |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
...actually, more like a Dark Knight cel -- definitely dark and somber... -MVS "AS ABOVE SO BELOW" |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Aenimal What ever the title, the message is here. Enjoyed |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Raph, you're a thinker, you're a lover, You're a carer, you're a writer! Wonderful piece of writing! EA |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Mark I gotta say I like your style, Frank Miller with the lightning in the background lol Thank you Seymour then i may change it again EA, you just made me day Thaaaaaaaanks |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I'm glad I caught this too. No offense to other poets, but I think this is the best poem I've read in a little while here. Since you have your critique box checked, I want to suggest that you consider breaking up the poem a bit - into sections. This not only allows for a "nicer" presentation visually, but also aids in the read by separating thoughts / scenes into sections. I like the title you ended with. Not only fitting, but it sounds better on the tongue than just Dark Angel (no offense M )Christopher |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
"look to the sky, ready to fly- even say a little pray'r. wings are black, halo's cracked- prob'ly never make it there" ya reminded me of me for a lil bit.... reminded me of another quote: "when angels fly too close to ground, a crash is where their journey's bound." this made me wanna go look for a vacant rooftop and sit and watch. it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
This is a very good poem, Raph. Very well-written.  "Love makes the world go around" |
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gheber Junior Member
since 2002-12-04
Posts 23Milwaukee, WI |
Stunningly beautiful expression of pain, sadness, and finally hope. I stand in awe of your first line... "Burnt wings folded neatly behind a broken back" Maybe, someday, I will have evolved into a writer seasoned enough to write something as powerful as this. When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Wow Christopher thanks for the high praise!! No offense taken nobody responded to Dark Angel so I played with it. Also I'd thought of breaking up the poem but assumed it would look awkward as some thoughts were longer than others. Maybe i'll give it an overhaul tommorow. thanks for the comments and the advice I like to read other people's thoughts.THank you Ethan I'm glad you enjoyed it but if you're going on a rooftop anywhere near here, bring a parka! Thank you Ethel i always appreciate your replies Gheber I'm not seasoned writer, I've only been at it for a few eeks I just got lucky. That line was in my head and I just worked hard to write the rest around it. Welcome to PIP [This message has been edited by Aenimal (12-09-2002 12:44 AM).] |
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