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Keith Morgan
Member

since 2001-10-29

Posts 114
Md

0 posted 2002-10-16 07:23 PM

Love Flight

I will not fall again..
For cruel was the landing
And harsh the reality
Of happiness turned to sadness,
Red roses to black lilies,
And bright days into bleak nights;
A fall that would have maimed others,
Gave me strength and opened my eyes,
Making my spirit resilient
And my heart cold as ice.

Never will I fall again..
My feet are solidly planted on past memory,
With the ground forever shifting,
But I grab unto my soul
And am immediately placated
By the comfort within.

I dream of falling again..
As I lean over the edge of pain;
My teardrops descend,
Unhurried to the bottom,
Before disappearing between thoughts.
Through blurry eyes I have seen my future,
Her sweet lips I have kissed,
Her soft touch I have felt,
And her soul beckons my heart
To free me from the past
As I leap once again..

Marcel

Write from the soul and the words will flow

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

1 posted 2002-10-16 10:08 PM

the idea is great.

the poem however is built on too many cliches. red rose to black lillies, feet solid on the ground, etc.

i understand that with this idea its hard to avoid some of those metaphors, but by not avoiding them you make the poem trite.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2002-11-11 03:42 PM

Ah good. You invite critiques. I enjoyed this, with the exception of how the "agains" read. I think I would opt for another word choice, just to see how it reads.

It's been awhile, Keith. Welcome home!

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

3 posted 2002-11-11 04:54 PM

Keith,

I am personally only into content and I liked this a great deal.

Thanks, it reminds me of my own past fears..... and hope....

Warm Regards,
Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2002-11-11 09:51 PM

(big hugggssssss) Yes, leap for the beauty of true love on and on for true happiness is bound to come your way and I know it will soon! (sigh) This is gorgeous, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Keith, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2002-11-12 05:12 PM

Like this...James

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