Open Poetry #23 |
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My Abstraction |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Black borderless chasm where God placed your brain runs parallel my corner-ripped grey. French-trenched, drains seepage of angst, pebble-bedded, yet with naive angle catches slant, my straight and narrow. Spirit driven down winding concrete steps, One, after Another, after Another, to rough flannel slope graded on the curve, a measure of your obliquity. Veering toward inevitable Motionless trapeze: Me You Her In a splash of white freeze! . . . . . . I wrote this in respose to a fellow poet whose poem reminded me of a black and grey abstract I once drew, stating his words were angular in part. He suggested that was a good premise for a poem. Though not what he probably had in mind, I mainly thought of my abstract and tried to write a descriptive poem...very new form of writing for me...ever learning.. ![]() . . . ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (11-24-2002 10:38 AM).] |
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© Copyright 2002 Patricia L.Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
Ohhhhh--much more than a splash, more like a waterfall!! Especially like the first verse--Enjoyed!! "I am a sky where spirits live. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
The emotions run away with the senses in this one. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Sandpiper, Thank you. Glad you enjoyed. I have since, added a note of explanation to bottom of poem. Warm Regards, Pat ![]() ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Kethry, So glad you took the time to read. Thank you. Hugs and warm regards, Pat ![]() ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (11-24-2002 10:40 AM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I enjoyed both the title, and the poem. |
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Magnus![]() ![]()
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Wellllll.... I think you took something and turned it into a very unique piece of art...very descriptively... |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
regards2you - descriptive it is, well written... BC |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Karilea, Magnus and Bill.... Thank you for reading and responding. My world just opened up to poetry reading and writing after a very long period of time in which it needed to be put on hold, never having written for even one year. Like a little girl in 1st grade, want to try the finger paints, the sand toys, paint a tempera splash...all of it; I want to try different forms of writing poetry, for those of which I'd previously written were usually only ever based on my or others emotions... I didn't ~feel~ this when writing, and don't particularly like it.. but the joy for me is in the creating, even if not perfect...I post very few of my experiments and am considering a creative writing class offered at local junior college, if time allows, maybe finding my own niche. Again, thank you for taking the time. Warm regards, Pat ![]() ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Mistletoe Angel![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
![]() (smiles) Oh my gosh...motionless trapeze...this is beautiful, I can imagine a 3D view of you and her freezing in mid-air like a tightroper at the circus holding grace in gravity, this is amazing! I LOVE IT, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Patricia, thank you for sharing! ![]() May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." Shakira [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (11-24-2002 06:45 PM).] |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you do this form well, i like it, write some more! |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Dixie, Thank you for replying to this. Am surprised and glad for your review; this is what the 'old' Pat, (Pat before PIP) would have called funky....I have written things and never shown to any-one kinda similar to this but soooooo funky,(far-out) I doubt anyone could understand them... In any case, appreciate you taking the time to find this and comment. Your opinion means a lot.Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
![]() - And so it was that time stood still - |
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