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Open Poetry #23
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I can't do it justice with a title... I'll settle for "Run"
| Open Poetry #23 |
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I can't do it justice with a title... I'll settle for "Run" |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
I debated for a long time... all day, actually, whether or not to post this. It should be heard, not read, because only I know how I want it to sound, and it has a very distinct sound. Try it like this: Tap your foot, counting the beats, up to four, then starting again. Each line has four beats. A one syllable line has three empty beats. It should be read in a whisper, a soft whisper, growing in urgency until the last line, where, although it isn't louder, it is more insistent. If you still feel like putting the effort into reading it, go ahead... lol Or I suppose you could just read it for the words, but it would be... not right... I don't know. Do whatever you like. . Run Run run run Run child, the ghosts are after you. Run Run run run Run child, the demons are after you. Run Run run run Your mind demons, your demons are after you Run Run run run They haunt, your demons are chasing you. Run Run run run They chase, they want to drive you mad. Stop They have driven you mad... Mad Mad mad mad Crazy You have been driven mad... . . . Ok, I played with the ending a little. I'm not sure if I liked it better when it just ended with the couplet.  I wrote it while walking to a beat. Actually, read it again, increasing the speed as you read, and see if that's better... If you don't mind, of course.This was a very demanding read... lol Thanks to anyone who bothered! Kielo [This message has been edited by Kielo (11-16-2002 12:46 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jeremiah Leonard - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, I guess I'm listening to just the right music that goes along with this...so it read very well to me. I do like the fact that you took time to tell us how you wanted it to be heard, because sometimes that can make ALL the difference... Karilea |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Kielo... I agree with Karilea... thanks for letting us know exactly how it should sound... That was a great help and gave the poem lots of meaning... I really enjoyed it...... both times  ~ hugs from a striped rodentLyra |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Well, Kielo....I did as you said...the third time I read it. the tapping of my foot made all the difference. I read it to myself the first time....the second, I read it out loud...the third, I read it in a whisper and while tapping my foot to the beat you instructed. Thanks for sharing with us, Kielo. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Going slowly mad to the beat of a poem... Seriously, thanx for the explanation, does make all the difference... and the title, is appropriate... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Kielo Agree with the above it does have a rythem, enjoyed. |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Thank you all very much! It has a beat because I wrote it while running away, except that I was walking. It just sort of wrote itself while I walked. I was pleased. At any rate, thank you all very much for taking the time to read it as I asked. I wasn't sure anyone would try... lol Thank you! Kielo According to statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellw is, but I know where to find him. |
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NewEnglandlazurlu Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470A Mountain Paradise |
I followed your instructions and read this several times, silently and then out loud, slow and then fast. A most fascinating and interesting read and it brought up memories of a friend who had a nervous breakdown not too long ago. I don't know what your intention was, but that's what I got out of it. Great poem, but for me, sad. Hugs, Marti "I am not afraid of STORMS for I have learned how to sail my SHIP." |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Well, I did it til my hip gave out, lol. Speeding up does make a difference. I guess if I carried it while walking and then walking faster, then running, I'd be scared out of my wits before I finished. I don't know if you wanted it that way, but when I came to stop, each time I read it, the foot tapping automatically stopped. The last time my hip was rejoicing the stoppage.  Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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