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Open Poetry #23
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Reality
| Open Poetry #23 |
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Reality |
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dunno282 New Member
since 2002-10-29
Posts 4 |
Sleep is a nightly getaway A vacation from reality It can be a dream Which when you wake up The fall back to reality Saddens you Or is it You have woken up To a nightmare You thought was Reality And when you sleep You enter your dream That is in fact Reality i feel as if im missing something here. it gets my point across but it still doesnt have the right feel. any comments would be greatly appreciated. thanks. |
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| © Copyright 2002 dunno282 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
The problem is we have a paradox here... Reality is REALLY what you (the "individual") SUBJECTIVELY choose to make real. BUT, at the same time, it is also what others (the "majority") COLLECTIVELY agree it to be: "The universe circles the Earth!"; "The world is FLAT!"; "Man can't walk on the moon!"; "Man can't FLY!"; "Underwater ships?! Preposterous!"; "Smoking is harmless!"... etc., etc., etc... So what IS reality, REALLY? How about simply: awareness? Or the ancient metaphysical law/wisdom: "As above, so below"? In any case... I enjoyed your thoughts -- very "Matrix" in idea... I'd love to hear more... -MVS "AS ABOVE SO BELOW" [This message has been edited by MARK V SHELDON (11-14-2002 10:27 PM).] |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I for the most part agree with what Mark has said... on a writers note...I'd add that if you can, avoid repeating a word several times in a poem this short. Reality is used several times here and my rule of thumb is that use it once it stands alone repeat it and run the risk of losing not only the readers interest but the impact of the word or phrase itself... look forward to seeing more.... |
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dunno282 New Member
since 2002-10-29
Posts 4 |
thanks for the replies. i revised it. its basically the same thing. I just used different words for it. its suppose to be a paradox. but it still looks weird to me. Sleep is a nightly getaway A vacation from the real world It can be a blissful dream Which when you wake up The fall back to reality Saddens you Or maybe You have woken up To a lurid nightmare You thought was real And perhaps When you sleep You have waken to your dream Which in fact Is the tangible world |
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