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regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California

0 posted 2002-11-14 10:18 AM




I find You
in the Lightness
of my daughter's essence,

in the Trust of my
grandson's eyes.

I find You
in the Remorse
and Shame
of husband's
pain

and in his eternal
silent plea
of Forgiveness

I find You
in my son's
Adoration

and in the Steadfastness
of my best friend

I find You~LOVING~.

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

© Copyright 2002 Patricia L.Thompson - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2002-11-14 10:38 AM


morning...
overall I like the thoughts in this piece but with many short pieces the use of the same words or phrase repeatedly takes away from the impact and cam lose the readers attention. I also find it reads more like a list than perhaps intended.

You might think about adding more of yourself to this...again personalizing it with how you see these things rather than just listing these things... exapmle:

I find you

Each time the Lightness
of my daughter's essence
feathers across my heart
Like the idea and the thoughts here... and some poems are simply meant to be from the heart and not to follow any normal convention or technical schema... if this is one of those, then leave it as is... end enjoy the release and understanding it brings

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
2 posted 2002-11-14 11:18 AM


Ron, Thanks again for sharing your teaching skills.

1.) this was meant to be plain, simple and from the heart.

2.) am waiting for a cartridge for my printer, to print out Pool Poem comments and those on Stand By Window from you...and then begin some serious learning and poetry writing, if possible (if the talent is there) I just do not want a dead poem.

3.) and by lack of response to this poem it probably only touches me which is  selfish on my part for I try to use space wisely...

4.) I love plain, simple thoughts... wondered if others might; I keep forgetting I am writing and being read by a group of poets, versus, the non-poet...which is enormously different. I had read too many God things this morning causing me to appreciate all I have, and this was laying around....

5.) I appreicate how you showed me what could be done. And, told me how it sounds, as is. Again, that kind of teaching is invaluable and hope others are reading your lessons as well...

6.) Like everyone, my time and energy are quite limited, so might be awhile before I come up with a poem, new or old (revised). As of yesterday, much going on in personal life right now, which leaves even less than normal time for poetry.

7.) Am ever so grateful for your help.
8.) What is most important to me is that you don't feel like, gee I've given her all this help and she is not following through. Time element, and I know that isn't unique..but, it is so true in my life...five major things happening suddenly and where do I put my time?

Sincerely, Pat       

Even if I revise this I am wondering if I should have posted it in Spiritual rather than Open Forum; it wasn't meant to be about me, but rather about Him....  TY




..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"


[This message has been edited by regards2you (11-14-2002 11:44 AM).]

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
3 posted 2002-11-14 01:38 PM


Pat, I didn't read this poem before I posted my poem about God today. I was also wondering if I should have posted it in the Spiritual forum.
I liked your poem and the thoughts behind it. I could feel that you really meant the words you wrote.
Thanks for sharing your poetry with us. I always look forward to reading your poems.  They always have a lot of meaning to them, and I like that.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~
                  

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (11-14-2002 01:39 PM).]

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
4 posted 2002-11-14 01:52 PM


Ethel, Thanks for responding, and I concur with you about appropiateness of where to post certain poems, but it would be my hope to get direction from one of the moderators if these should not be here in Open Forum.

As I think you know I've been trying to branch out in different writing styles etc, some of which I posted. So unsure of which way to go right now, and 5 major things cropping up for me, it seems overnight, but, really not, just stuff I ignored, hoping they would go away, and solve themselves, but not, right when I'd like some extra time to devote to me(poetry)...

I am glad you like my poetry, but ever since Robt.'s remarks, and now, Ron being so kind as to answering an inquiry I made of his poem, about character writing, I will be trying to write differently, than ever before.
Waiting for my printer...ugh...

Again, thanks.....Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
5 posted 2002-11-14 03:12 PM


I always enjoy your poetry for the messages that are conveyed.

With this poem, it felt as though you were speaking directly to me--from your heart to mine. This poem lovingly demonstrates your gratitude for the blessings you have in life, and the love you have for Our Creator who bestowed them upon you.

~ Continued blessings to a fine and caring member of the human race

Linda

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
6 posted 2002-11-14 10:33 PM





Linda, thank you so much for your kind reply. What a great friend you are fast becoming. (I'd like ya anyway, even without your reply..smiling)

There is so much going on for me right now, it surprises me... and sometimes overwhelms...really don't want to deal with it...nothing seriously wrong, just too much and not enough time/energy, which aggravates me intensely; having previously been a Type A, enough energy for three people, and gone, is annoying. This little poem causes me to stop, and just 'be' for a moment.

Appreciate your sensitive comments.
Hugs to you, God bless,
Pat

Hugs to you,
  

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2002-12-14 04:02 AM


no lengthy replies tonight from me on any of the poems, just wanted to boot this back up for others to read...nice one, loved the message.
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