Facing Him (an add on poem...Pretty Please Participate?)

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Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2002-10-31 11:00 PM

Darkfall shoved daylight in its pocket.
Lilith awakened to whispers and chills
and the cold hands of waves
slapping cruely against the bottom walls of her boat.
That same old fear seized her throat
in a relentless effort to drain her sanity.
breathing...beating...breathing...beathing..
she grappled for moments that wore an hour's mask.
When calm wrapped her shoulders again
she went to meet her fear
at the end of a cold rain licked pier.
walking
eyes forward and enchanted by the mist
ignoring the astounded cries of seagulls
that swarmed somewhere over a writhing night colored ocean.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
umm...I don't think I have the attention span for stuff like this sometimes...or the will to finish it. I hope someone else tonight can have fun adding on to this. The idea, is that her fear is of the water at night. She's scared even looking down into it...like something is going ot come from the blackness and drag her down into the water...swallow her or something *shrugs* ohh...and the second fear is of drowning.

umm...why can't I get only certain rest of parts in italics..*sigh* oh well..

"two hearts will build the foundation for one point of light
a duet done with passion"

excerpt from "I Love You"
[This message has been edited by Temptress (10-31-2002 11:03 PM).]

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

1 posted 2002-10-31 11:06 PM

I love looking at water at night. Shoot, I love looking at water. But I wouldn't want to have something pop up and drag me down into it. I like your poem so far, and I'm looking forward to seeing what people come up with. You have some really good lines here: "Darkfall shoved daylight in its pocket."- I love that.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

2 posted 2002-10-31 11:58 PM

Jenn,
You end italics like this < / i > (no spaces of course) not like this < i / >. An interesting challenge. I'm not sure I am capable of this style but we'll see.

Okay, knowing it can be discared, here is my small addition:

Blackness and that unseen roaring penetrated only
by the pier on which she was bound. Drowning in darkness
and drawn on by the wet magnet below, her
fear again wrapped around her, worn like a shawl.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

[This message has been edited by Larry C (11-01-2002 12:17 AM).]

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

3 posted 2002-11-01 12:14 PM

as fear and magic walked hand in hand
encircled by darkness and chill
an angel's arms slipped around her icy shoulders
the cape of blessings now her's
and as a filmy dawn rolled over the inky dark
strands of dread lifted into hope

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Walter Poe
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 787

4 posted 2002-11-01 06:02 AM

The mist hugged in tighter
as fears held her close
she heard the breathing below
not her not him or even it
the other sat far below
waiting
In her she had passed beyond
light and dark
Fear and hurt
With that understanding sparked
and she set out to the water
laughing silently
on water chastened

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-11-01 12:16 PM

Lilith wondered on ship's bones.
How many wrecks below the waves?
If she were snared, would she be kept
in barnacles to save her shape?
Or would the sea forget her air.
Forget the contours of her face.
Would icy hands press to her eyes?
A wall of dark blood in her lungs?

Would she lunge for crests above
for a hand that would not come?
Would she live to see the sun,
a pulse of code in shattered shape.
Mouth agape upon the floor.
A room of waste without a door.
Would her words pretend their sound?
Would she learn to swim when drowned?

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

6 posted 2002-11-01 12:36 PM

For in drowning she may be
saved from fear.
but preferring her fear
to her demise,
she chose to stare instead at the skies above,
for upon the oceans face at night
she saw the reflection of
her guardian spirit,
and held on tightly
to this vision of Love
which would somehow save her
from herself.

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (11-01-2002 12:37 PM).]

Moonlight Romeo

Senior Member

since 2001-09-10

Posts 982
The heart of you

7 posted 2002-11-01 01:11 PM

The moon reflected on the water.
Beaming down in love and in spirit.
Would this be the one that she would know,
Hidden in this aqua reflected mirror?

As she wondered this, the fear seemed to calm.
Instead of gripping her, she seemed to take it to herself.
Floating in it, instead of being drowned by it.

At least, for this moment.

What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

8 posted 2002-11-01 01:40 PM

Jen, I like this. I am going to think on it and come back to it later........
ummm..........I really do have a fear of drowning..........sigh.......long story but I will see if I can incorporate it into an add on to this. Well done!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2002-11-01 08:01 PM

Lilith stood alone but laughed
for she was standing on her own two feet...

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

10 posted 2002-11-01 08:05 PM

Smiling at Serenity's.
Lilith is walking on water again?

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

11 posted 2002-11-01 08:28 PM

I'll think about this and get back, it's very good so far.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

12 posted 2002-11-01 09:17 PM

Hate to be the spoilsport but...

Only to awaken
In a world of grey
Smothering the last life
Out of her lungs.
Desperate, she reached for the light above
And struggled with a strength born of fear.
Not drowning, just dreaming...
It was so real...

[This message has been edited by Wind (11-01-2002 09:21 PM).]

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

13 posted 2002-11-04 03:18 PM

It was a valient attempt, Temptress, but we all have such different voices and viewpoints. In short, this poem has drowned.

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