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Teen Poetry #6
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Spiderweb
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Spiderweb |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571
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My body tingles Freezing on the inside On the outside burning up The world circles around me Spinning faster and faster My eyes begin to droop And I fall into your trance Once again I visit this place This place I hate to be Hate it yet love it Love it for what it means Yet hate for that too I`ve fallen for you But I don`t want to I wish I could wake up Why did I let myself slip up? You`ve caught me in your spiderweb Intwined in your body Frozen with my own fears And I cannot escape |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allison Colgrove - All Rights Reserved | |||
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
who is this very good poem about beemer????JK  CATHY "tell me something i dont no" "i open mouth kissed a horse once" "SAY what?" "thatz something u dont no!" AUSTIN POWERZ RULES!! "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
"Do you know what its like? Being an obice child growing up in a socioty that demands perfection?" *BURRRRRRRR* "Mama Cass-Decieced-HAM SANDWICH" Thank you... *Allison* |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is another one of those really neat poems you seem to have a knack for. In this one I admire your concept and the way you presented it at the start, with the spinning and the droopy eyes... Later on you become a bit blatant where it could have been otherwise descriptive. "you've caught me in your spiderweb." The title already implies this line, so I think it could be made a bit more vague, for the sake of subtlety. Dance around it a little bit, throw some technique and imagery into the idea and let the reader get the word "spiderweb" on his own. Just my opinion. I like this kind of stuff from you, Allison, and would love to see more of it. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is another one of those really neat poems you seem to have a knack for. In this one I admire your concept and the way you presented it at the start, with the spinning and the droopy eyes... Later on you become a bit blatant where it could have been otherwise descriptive. "you've caught me in your spiderweb." The title already implies this line, so I think it could be made a bit more vague, for the sake of subtlety. Dance around it a little bit, throw some technique and imagery into the idea and let the reader get the word "spiderweb" on his own. Just my opinion. I like this kind of stuff from you, Allison, and would love to see more of it. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey, i like all the parts w/ the mole in the movie but i aint gonna qoute them cuz i might get them wrong so i'll just leave it to u guys! anywayz... this poem was reallly goood!! ~samantha~ "sometimes i just feel like |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Thank you all for your replies. They will help me a lot in the future! Sam-All you have to do for the mole parts is go.."Mole!" "A BUHHHHH" "MOLIE MOLIE MOLIE MOLIE!" Thats it man! *Allison* |
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