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Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

0 posted 2002-09-22 08:54 PM

he thinks
my secrets are
hidden deep between
the sheets

he thinks
he’s got a
grip
on the curves

but he
doesn’t think

that perhaps my
mouth is just a
desert
in the shape
of a
soul

craving
saturation

"you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A.

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (09-22-2002 11:27 PM).]

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

1 posted 2002-09-22 08:59 PM

Wow, this is really good. It had quite an interesting form and it flowed nicely.
I liked the imagery and emotions behind it, there was a definate feel that made it a fantastic read.
Well Done.

Michelle.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-09-22 09:00 PM

I just changed it about 546365 times in the past two minutes so sorry if I screwed with your head. Believe me.. if I had meant to do it, I'd want credit.

"you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2002-09-22 09:52 PM

I think.... I like it.

Seriously, enjoyed. Much different from your normal style, if you have one.

Sincerely,
Titus

"I'll prepare myself, and one day my time will come."
-Abraham Lincoln

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2002-09-22 11:25 PM

Interesting to say the least, Jaime. The opening four lines set the scene for it well. Overall message is very, for lack of a better word, wowish.

Once again another brilliant piece. You would have to be one of my favourite writers in this place. Thanks for posting this up.

~AF~

"No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-09-23 02:37 AM

Nice! Loving the descriptive writing.

The broken lines also work out nicely to provide a good visual element.

Very nice work, Jaime.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

6 posted 2002-09-23 04:48 AM

Love the imagery of the desert soul, the thirst
awesome

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

7 posted 2002-09-24 09:39 AM

I found this poem to be uniquely powerful and moving in its elegance. Rarely do such jewels grace Passions.

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

8 posted 2002-09-24 11:34 PM

hey there you are.

it's nice to read your work again - i really enjoy it.

why haven't you mailed me back?

/jen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

9 posted 2002-09-26 05:34 PM

Quiet a dark poem (or so I think) but I enjoyed reading it

Andrew

If your reading this signature I have replied to your poem, please repay the compliment :)

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