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WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

0 posted 2002-12-02 12:40 PM

Held Inside

When did you turn cold?
When did you start to push me away?
And you shut me out,
So that all I can feel is my pain.
What did I do to deserve this from you?
Which one of us first started to fall away?
Are you trying to break me?
How can you not know when you make me cry?

It's so easy to hold it all inside,
And I can stay that way until the dam bursts,
And so many rivers flow
There won't be anything left of me to say
I died because I held EveryThing Inside.
It doesn't help when you push me away.
You don't even try to understand,
In your eyes you don't need to understand,
Because whatever you think is always right.
And everyone's the same, so how could I be different?
I should be just like you, an image of perfection.
When so many rivers flow
There won't be anything left of me to say
I died inside because you pushed me away.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are, too late to change?" -Dishwalla-

snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

1 posted 2002-12-02 12:51 PM

omg I really like this poem... it says soemthing... about hurt and heartache and all that depressing stuff.

"I should be just like you, an image of perfection."

^that is by far my favorite line... keep up the good work!

-Erica-

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2002-12-02 01:00 AM

THANK YOU! Snoduck! *WinterWren walks on air*

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are, too late to change?" -Dishwalla-

rm711
Member

since 2002-11-30

Posts 131
Wiltshire, England

3 posted 2002-12-02 03:57 AM

Great poem, something incredibly powerful undermining me throughout the time I was reading it. I love the way you ask questions in the first stanza.

Rosie Mitchell

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

4 posted 2002-12-02 02:27 PM

this is an excellent first post, you express yourself beautifully. ive also noticed that youve been replying to a lot of other peoples work, which means i like you. anyway welcome to passions, i hope you stay

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

5 posted 2002-12-02 05:06 PM

I like the questions in the first part too. It adds a little extra to the poem and it makes the reader think. good job

-Stinky Twinkie-

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

6 posted 2002-12-02 07:11 PM

Hmmm, I definitely liked this a lot...so yay for you ! I think your last three lines were the best, in my mind of course...
"When so many rivers flow
There won't be anything left of me to say
I died inside because you pushed me away."
Isn't that just great? Woh! trippy ;o)

Laura

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2002-12-02 08:30 PM

Thank you all for you wonderful replies! They sure made me feel welcome and estaticly happy!

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are, too late to change?" -Dishwalla-

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

8 posted 2002-12-02 08:34 PM

hey thatw as real cool.especially this line "how can u not know when u make me cry" and this one "i should be just like u an image of perfection" htose were beautiful lines.keep posting cos i'll be looking out for u..

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

9 posted 2002-12-03 04:10 AM

Woah! That, in my opinion, is awesome!

Welcome to Passions by the way

No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot.
~ Arthur (Monty Python Search for the Holy Grail)
I'm Rhondiforous!

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

10 posted 2002-12-03 02:24 PM

Welcome to passions!!!

This was an awesome first piece...it was an interesting mix that reminded me of me and my boyfriend all in one. An awesome start here at passions hun and i cant wait to read more

P.S.-Check ur e-mail for a special greeting

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

NeverSayDie
Junior Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 39
Duluth, MN & Grand Forks ND

11 posted 2002-12-03 03:52 PM

Beautiful poem. I think im gonna save it to my library. Means alot to me. It hit home.
Nice first post. And welcome to Passions.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

12 posted 2002-12-03 08:35 PM

Aww... this was great, especiallt for a first post!  It was sad... I seem to be able to empathize with all your poems so far, I've been there before...  Poetry seems to be your release, as it is mine.  WEll, I could be worng, but hey, no one is always right, right?

                                                      Rich

"You can't hurt meee!! 'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

13 posted 2002-12-03 09:31 PM

Very well written piece I really like it keep up the awsome work.
Lauren

lilibeelee
Member

since 2001-07-12

Posts 143

14 posted 2002-12-04 12:08 PM

very well done

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

15 posted 2002-12-04 04:39 PM

WinterWren~
This is a very impressive piece...very well written.
I truly enjoyed reading this and I hope to see lots more from you.
Welcome to Passions!
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

rxyfxy04
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 54
lil' town in Virginia

16 posted 2002-12-04 07:05 PM

Welcome to passions.. i havent been a member long.. i REALLY liked this poem.. espically all the questions and not answering them until the last part.. cant wait to read more from you!!!

RxyFxy04

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

17 posted 2002-12-05 10:32 AM

Welcome to Passions. This is a great piece for a start, and I hope you have more to come!

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

18 posted 2002-12-10 06:24 PM

welcome to passions.

this was a good write.

however i felt there were a few too many questions. and the fact that they were in rapid succession seemed to add to the effect.

thanks for sharing. looking forward to reading more.

/jen/

'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.' [radiohead]

Mourning Raven
New Member

since 2003-07-18

Posts 2

19 posted 2003-07-19 03:59 PM

Wren, this was wonderful! From one bird to another I've written quite a few similar, but I loved this poem sooo much! I think the last 3 or 4 lines are some of my favorites! I am definitely adding you to my library!

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