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Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2002-11-24 11:35 PM

For those familiar with Brians' Mortar and Pestilence series, I have been researching his third section and have written this poem in response for a class project. I humbly admit that I may very well have missed his point entirely, though he was kind enough to take the time to answer my questions on the poem. This is not meant to refute his ideas either. Where as the narrator of his poem sees god as omniscient and omnipotent, My god, the narrator of the poem, does not control human destiny, it is left to us. Here then, is my response, I tried to focus on a broader sense of love among peoples, more so than individual love, but both themes are incorperated in this though it only address specificly the former. Brian I apologize if this doesn’t do your incredible series justice, thank you for your time.

I also tried to keep the same rhyme scheme for effect. Though my flow fails in comparison.

They speak of me with solemn tongues
and air from out the very lungs
I blessed them with, to breathe.
My children see what has become
and point fingers at me.

If only they could see that I
did, (with risks in mind) decide
upon building these lands,
It would be best to firmly tie
thenceforth my own two hands.

My love for them I tried to show
with all the joys their hearts could know
and yet they got it wrong,
but I promised to let them grow
without changing their song.

And now my children sing of fear.
Their every note rips through my ears
as I, clasp tight, my palms.
They, themselves must learn to steer
their ship onto the calm.

This love that they have always known,
this ugly shadow of my own
is of their own free will.
I did not cause, nor do condone
their feelings truly ill.

They give their love to but a few,
and though their passion remains true
it fails in its neglect
of those who fall outside the view
of their hearts intellect.

This joy I give, this priv’lege grand
will cause them surely to disband
when split among their factions.
For good intentions at their hands
in turn bring counter actions.

My children please, your time is short.
You must bring tattered ship to port
before the squall increases.
Become aware to selling short,
love all,
or fall,
to pieces.

[This message has been edited by Kevin (11-24-2002 11:45 PM).]

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

1 posted 2002-11-25 02:08 AM

I'm still in awe Kev, still in awe...you don't give yourself enough credit

Great Post, can not wait to read the whole packet

~Lisa

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2002-11-25 04:26 PM

Kevin~
Wow! You never cease to amaze and impress.
This is excellent, and your talent shines through.
Extremely well done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

3 posted 2002-11-25 08:49 PM

I've read a lot of your stuff, I'm not sure that I replied to it. You really don't give yourself enough credit, you're a great writer and you know it. This was amazing, it shouldn't fall short of anything. I'm not very familiar with that series, but WOW you really know what you're talking about. I bet you got an A on the class assignment. lol. Very nice, be proud.

-Erica-

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