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Teen Poetry #6

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lone_poet707
Member

since 2001-11-17

Posts 70
black hole named Aylmer

0 posted 2002-11-24 03:42 PM

Did I really fail this time?
This guilty concience is such a crime.
Gazed at the past's reflection
like a mirror's connection.
This evolution reveals and shocks,
waves goodbye with a smirking mock.
How much longer til I hit the edge?
Thoughts balancing reason's ledge,
pondering accusations and "what ifs"
rips away and creates a rift.
Did I really fail this time?
This guilty concience is a heavy crime.

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2002-11-24 09:11 PM

This was a good write Joe. You did well on the rhyme scheme and flow. Nice topic as well. I especially liked these two lines:

quote:
How much longer til I hit the edge?
Thoughts balancing reason's ledge,

Keep posting.

btw, who named your black hole eh?

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2002-11-29 03:54 PM

Joe~
This is a nicely penned piece.
I very much enjoyed both the content and the flow.
Well done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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