Teen Poetry #6 |
[[[the cat's meow]]] challenge #3 |
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
Down the hall and around that endless corner there’s this girl - her faced etched in the timeless brimstone. Forced lines shattering the echoes with her scowl, smelling sweetly of sour and everything you envy. You’ve added her name to that scratch pad list of girls you hate. [So far she’s the only one.] But yet she chuckles and grows - bathing in your abomination. You don’t know who she really is. And one day you think, you hope/pray/beg that things are over and you can sleep at night and you have made her list. [Want to be my henchman?] Can't read between the lines. ‘So are we friends now?’ She smiles a spurious coyness drowned in your frailty, her heart of yesterday’s sickened vodka. We all have to get through the days somehow. [[[ok, so i got a little carried away. i'll try again later.]]] /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. [This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-21-2002 12:27 PM).] |
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© Copyright 2002 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I just dropped the paper I was holding. Wow. I don't know what else to say... wow... |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
you always use such interestingly vivid desciptions. this seemed just... brimming with sarcastic superiority(sp). and i loved it. this is going into my library just for the imagery it has. marvelous write. you always impress with your originality. loved it all, but this one lil bit really stood out to me: quote: love the smart-ass tones you use. “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
(edited by moderator) -majnu -------------------------------------- Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet. [This message has been edited by vlraynes (11-21-2002 10:02 PM).] |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was good, it was like a smak in the face to those idiot ppl. great write regina |
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
One of my old favorites, glad to see your still here. I liked the almost arrogant tone throughout the piece. It fit the poem really well. "And one day you think, you hope/pray/beg that things are over and you can sleep at night and you have made her list. [Want to be my henchman?] Can't read between the lines. ‘So are we friends now?’" Friends after these things seem so rare, glad I've been fortunate with a few of mine who are now among my closest friends. It's great as usual. ex animo, Aaron There are no great men, only men in great circumstances. |
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CloudedDreams Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210My Fantasy Realm |
This is AWESOME---I really was swept in the intenseness and anger, and the feeling of how sweet revenge can be. A great write..Keep it up ^.^ Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it? |
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lildevil Junior Member
since 2002-11-21
Posts 47missouri,usa |
IT WAS GOOD BUT I MUST NOT BE READING THE ANGER OR SARCASISM THAT EVERY ONE ELSE IS SAYINGBUT IT IS STILL GOOD NONE THE LESS |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
when you type entirely in caps lock it has a tendency to mean that you're yelling. /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. [This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-24-2002 12:17 AM).] |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
jen, sometimes I think you literally DO need to be "carried away." |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
I thought I replied to this. This is what happens when I read poetry after I'm sleeping on my ... chair. Anyway, I loved this. Well done. Kielo According to statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellw is, but I know where to find him. |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
What?! I thought I replied to this already...Hmmmm. I liked the sarcasm here! It added kinda of...a punky flavour to the poem! I like, I like!!! This poem barely scratches a sliver of who you are. *nods* Rayndpnugah; ruf luimt E ajan pa cu cdibet... |
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k2tomtom21k New Member
since 2002-11-18
Posts 9 |
I dig. I dig. Moments were sketchy. You wrote well though. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
It was read and will be replied to in more detail at a later date. You never cease to amaze me, girl. It's truly wonderful. the anonymous one Don't steal - the Government hates competition. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Jen~ Carried away, or not, I really like this. Your words are so full of depth and intensity. Once again, you have amazed and impressed me. VERY well done, and a great response to the challenge. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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