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Teen Poetry #6

Once ( vent )

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-11-18 10:11 PM

head bent into a corner
tears fall uncontrolled
i feel like a little kid
you can't hurt me
please don't
emotions run to of control
no please
all i heard was a scream
a cry
thats all it took
my life is almost there

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

1 posted 2002-11-19 10:09 AM

This poem was really good. I liked it a lot. It was creepy how you made it seem like a dark entity was closing in on you.

Very cool

Darkness

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2002-11-21 01:42 AM

Riley~
This is a well written, yet rather disturbing piece,
and I mean that in a good way.
It left me with a unsettled feeling and a sense
of urgency. Very well done.
~Vicky

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

3 posted 2002-11-22 06:03 AM

your life is almost where?! ahh i hate cliff hangers. Xx; but i liked this poem. i think vicky explained it perfectly. it felt urgent and distressed. made me want to run there and protect you from the monsters under the bed. this was a very well written vent, you did well with it. keep writting dear.

love your critique message btw.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

SuperSonic
Junior Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 16
Northern Ireland

4 posted 2002-11-22 08:24 AM

I know exactly how it feels to be treated this way, I'm so sorry that other people have to feel it too. Really good pem, if you ever wanna talk I'm listening.

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

5 posted 2002-11-22 09:32 AM

Riley,
I really think that this poem is great. Very well written. I like the dark undertones, I think it is cool with the urgency and all. Great job! Keep writing!

-Jeanette-

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