Sand Castle Storm - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

xerxes
Junior Member

since 2001-08-05

Posts 34

0 posted 2002-11-11 11:48 PM

Sand Castle Storm

Sand castle beach just close enough where hanging stars are reached.
Deep in hallow words that bleed deceit, suffocated belief.
I’m ok with ideas of thought; some visions haven’t yet been bought.
The length of sad fields burning, across flames & tears to a place where we stop learning.
I was caught dreaming forever, the Joker of a misled King’s Court, I wish I were clever.
There’s a price paid for a smile too high, crawling low to steal something I never tried.
I saw her face on the other side of a broken receiver; she whispered something I try not to remember.
Penciled in a letter to a regretting feeling, I’m ink stained, stabbing & healing.
You never mentioned my mind had you by an emotional handle, pull the lever, it opens something dark, I wish you had a candle.
I found myself standing in the fall of raining leaves, I couldn’t catch one, on the ground is where we’ll be meeting.
In an end I was Heaven bound sinning, I think there’s direction to get back to the beginning.
My eyes are dark with this mysterious vision, I know now some feelings never have an ending.
I built a church from all my wishing; a bible full of my writing, but Gods still missing, Communion is surviving.
A love that I can’t give a name, waters from Heaven can’t quench a thirst for change.
My life is an undiscovered coast; my heart is where the palm trees grow.
My soul is an ocean breeze always blowing, my mind an Empire of Sand Castles, waves of words that still keep holding.
In a distance a storm rises, I walk on with Lightening & Thunder, they’re my friends, fear without surprises, do these thoughts ever have an end?

-Xerxes

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-11-13 03:57 PM

This could use a little work and a LOT of structural revision. Overall I love the piece and many of the images you created in this poem, but I think you should organize your lines into definite stanzas, just for the sake of easier reading.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2002-11-13 07:21 PM

I have to agree with Brian up dere. The spacing would help. It kinda bombed me with all the words and erg...yeah. Otherwise good piece.

Riley

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.