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Teen Poetry #6
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the "untouchable"
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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the "untouchable" |
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ryanna lauryn New Member
since 2002-11-09
Posts 9KS |
look at that girl. who do you see? most would call her one of the “untouchable’s” in high school society. she has to be happy is what every one says. she’s athletic and smart and her beauty’s no phase, she has it all. she’s that one girl in school who everyone wants to hate but secretly looks up to. has anyone bothered to ask, though, if she is content? no. people assume that she has no reason to vent. when this “untouchable” looks in the mirror, she does not see what you see. she sees a girl who’s life is a cover-up concealing her true feelings and needs. for every morning it’s merely routine for her to put on her mask so she can live up to be what everyone has already labeled her as neglecting the fact that she may have a past one full of pain so clearly seen through her eyes but nobody cares and nobody tries to take just a second to look inside of this “untouchable” girl’s heart and this “untouchable” girl’s mind no one believes that an “untouchable” can cry that she can fear, that she can hurt, and that she can even want to die look closely at her mask before it’s too late it’s cracking, it’s chipping let despair not be her fate just once, for that is all she craves. just once, a person desire to know the real her even if desirability lasts only a day. Just once may she not be a mere “untouchable”. Just once may she be merely someone lovable. "in three words i can sum up everything i've leaned about life; it goes on." -Robert Frost |
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| © Copyright 2002 ~*~Tiffany~*~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
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paraboxer Member
since 2002-11-10
Posts 121Maryland, USA |
I won't kid you, being a teen is a rough time. For anyone, you really catch it with this poem. |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
I agree, you really captured a lot in this work. I really liked what you got into, nice work. Oh and Welcome to Passions! Laura "I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful." |
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Darkness Member
since 2002-10-17
Posts 202The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies. |
Me again. This was a great poem. I loved the flow it pulled it all together and gave your words a little more power. Keep writing I'll be keeping my eye out for more of your stuff. Darkness |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
You seem to be a very experienced writer. The flow of this poem is done very professionally, your natural cadence quickened towards the end with the use of shorter lines, then drawn out momentarily at the end itself. I didn't get bored reading this, and the vowel and eye rhymes kept the unity about this without breaking a lot of its structural merits... Very good work. I'm definitely going to be looking for more of your work in here. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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ryanna lauryn New Member
since 2002-11-09
Posts 9KS |
being the "new girl" it means a lot that you guys read my stuff and replied. thank you for all of your comments. i'm flattered you liked this piece. ~*~ryan~*~ "consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others." -jacob m. braude |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
ryanna lauryn~ What can I say? This is an EXCELLENT piece of writing. Extremely powerfully written and with such an important message as well. This one makes the reader stop and think, and that's a very good thing. I'm so glad you shared this with us. I'll be watching for more.  ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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