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Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2002-11-07 01:54 PM

Take my skin,
And wear it for your own.
Take all that I got,
To the place where evil is sewn.

Through this fruitful land,
I beseech you.
I can only count that,
Your words are true.

Take my moment,
Pass it out of existence.
Just leave the things,
For my child to experience.

Once again I beg you,
Leave it be.
So my seed may come,
And se his spirit free.

Time tries all men,
And mine is almost up.
Cut me open and,
Pour my blood in your cup.

I hope drinking it,
Will suffice.
For this is my child’s,
Sacrifice.

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

1 posted 2002-11-07 02:25 PM

like it

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

2 posted 2002-11-07 02:48 PM

Fourth stanza, last line, there's a typo i think. blah I really really liked this poem. the flow was great, line spacings were placed very well i think. you had a great, strong opening and you followed through with that to the end. i hate it when a poem opens strong and just trails off, but this was consistent(sp). great write, this is in my. library.
:tiff:

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2002-11-07 07:25 PM

I really enjoyed all of it. I couldn't name a fav line or stanza b/c you held strong throughout the whole thing. YAY for you!
Great write...ready to see some more from you.

Laura

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-11-08 01:13 PM

Very nice write, Darkness. You're getting more comfortable with imagery, I see... I like your description of terrain in this poem, kind of gave the storyline a bit of a setting.

You carried through very nicely in this and I agree with Tiff that the quality is very consistent. Excellent work.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

5 posted 2002-11-08 06:03 PM

wow, i liked this one. good job.

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

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