Teen Poetry #6 |
Time (Challenge 2) |
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Allow the time to stop before you grasp my wings lavender bubble world with many precious things and my looking glass is clouded by the smoke in my eyes you lie and say you wondered where I was last night Stories told are stories lost and I have disappeared Allowing time to start before I venture off again. ---------------------------------------------------------------- hmmm... maybe I'll rewrite this later.. maybe not. "Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo |
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© Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Allysa~ Well, I like it just the way it is. You've done a wonderful job, and I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for responding to the challenge. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
This was done very prettily Allysa. Lovely images and wistful tone. Good write dear. “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey, i really liked this one cant wait to read more form you. ~sam~ !respect the alphabet! |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
nice... very nice. I love your choice of words in this poem, very excellently done, Allysa. I think there are some terrific iambic lines (like "S"), and they leave me wishing that there was more iambic meter in this piece, ya know, just to add that extra special sound to it. If you revise, consider going iambic. Love it though... excellently done, nobody could have done it better than you. Parasite |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Woo, don't rewrite it, it's awesome the way it is!! Challenge definately met |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
everyone is right dont rewrite it.I'ts good the way it is !!!! "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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