Over Anxious, yet hesitant

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Teen Poetry #6

Over Anxious, yet hesitant

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

0 posted 2002-11-01 01:27 AM

Acting on impluse alone
Not giving consequences a thought
Rushing into the unknown
In my emotions I get caught

Inner problems I fuel
With mistakes i'm learning
Inside me there's a duel
My fire's always burning

With my emotions I hesitate
Not capitalizing, finding ways to conceal
Never on time, yet always late
Can't seem to express how I feel

Inner conflicts weight me down
Struggling to sort out this mess
With time I'll come around
My feelings for you I'll address

Surreal
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 35
Paris

1 posted 2002-11-02 08:02 AM

I liked this, but I feel like the rhyme scheme was rather forced.  For example:

"Inner problems I fuel
With mistakes i'm learning
Inside me there's a duel
My fire's always burning"

This seemed like a really awkward stanza to me.  I think the piece would flow a lot better if there wasn't that rhyme scheme, especially since the meter was a little weird.

Overall though, I can totally relate to this and I love the message you put out.

Glory is a silent thing-- Mineral

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

2 posted 2002-11-02 10:31 AM

You got your message across well here, I liked the way you expressed yourself in this poem, well done

Anya

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-11-04 11:07 AM

The rhyme scheme didn't bother me so much... but I see what Surreal is saying. Try to remember that rhyme is meant to enhance your poetry, not take away from it.

Keep writing, Shady Mak.

Parasite

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