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Teen Poetry #6
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I'm your angel
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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I'm your angel |
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skyshine 
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars 
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Late at night I think of you and wonder about what you do Wonder if you know how I feel and if you know that I care about you. And as these thoughts come to my mind in the moonlight’s gentle glow I realize there are a lot of things that you can’t see and just don’t know. What do you think I see you as? I love you for who you are I love you when you act like a jerk and when you’re a shining star. Much as you have hurt me and once or twice even made me cry I don’t have it in me to hate you and that’s something I don’t want to try. I’m sorry you are hurting and I’m sorry you’re in pain But life isn’t always sunshine—there has to be some rain. And sometimes when there comes a storm it takes a lot away The things you get so used to are suddenly gone one day. I can be the sunshine in your life if you could only see That someone truly loves you and that someone is me. This love I have is so powerful, and you don’t even realize. And if you ever doubt my words, just look deep into my eyes. You’ll see a light inside of them that shines so strong and true That doesn’t flicker or fade away because it shines for you. And if you ever need my love I won’t hesitate to show it You’ll find it right in front of you—I’m your angel, you just don’t know it. … 10-28-02 Howl at the stars, whisper when you're sleeping, I'll be there to hold you, I'll be there to stop the chills and all the weeping. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Elizabeth Costello Larson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
I really like this, ALOT. I'm not much into Rhyming poetry, but this was great. You speak alot of things me and my guy have been talking about lately. Good Write! ~ Tamma Have you ever heard that "No shirt, No shoes" rule? My question is...Why doesn't that rule include pants? |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Hey Skyshine.  I think that you should consider breaking your lines up a bit more. Long lines, like you have in here, can be frustrating for the reader simply because they tend to stretch out so much. This is especially important with poetry that is intended to be read aloud, because it's simply not always possible to read an entire long line without stopping to take a breath. Know what I mean? I actually did like this quite a bit. The ending is on a very light note, which serves to relieve much of the conflict at the heart of the poem. Nicely done. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Hey Beth! I really liked this one; I didn't even realise it was a rhymer until I got halfway through it, and to me, that is an awesome way to write; the rhyme didn't dominate the poem at all, and your words totally sucked me in so that I couldn't leave halfway through even if I had wanted to. Awesome |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Thank you Tamma! I'm glad you liked it and good luck with your fiance. Parasite, thanks for the suggestions. I'll keep them in mind. Glad you enjoyed. Thanks Skyfire! I've never heard that about my work before. That was really nice to hear, thanks again!  --Beth Howl at the stars, whisper when you're sleeping, I'll be there to hold you, I'll be there to stop the chills and all the weeping. |
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