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LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-10-29 03:45 PM

“Do you think we could ever be...

I felt the question in my veins, before you even finished
Or maybe I didn’t hear you over the pumping of my blood,
and the pounding of my heart

…more than just friends?

I had known the answer for ages now,
it had danced within my mind every second of the day
exploding ideas into my core, letting them grow and spread throughout my soul

Do you ever think about us?

I do more than think about it…
I live it, I breathe it, I dream it…sometimes I fight it
It’s a part of me, this feeling….

Lis, are you there?

Yes, I'm here...but I think we should just stay friends....

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2002-10-29 11:00 PM

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I liked this

YOUR INSULTS AND YOUR CURSES MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM NOT A PERSON ~Staind~

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

2 posted 2002-10-29 11:10 PM

Definitely not the ending I was expecting.

Beth

Howl at the stars, whisper when you're sleeping, I'll be there to hold you, I'll be there to stop the chills and all the weeping.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

3 posted 2002-10-30 10:46 AM

First off, I have to acknowledge the fact that you are a "Lis" too. So am I, only with a y and two s's, crazy amigos of mine.

YEAH- poem evaluation time-

I really liked this, definitely awesome, not exactly waht I expected, but I have low expectations. It was more...

wow, I don't like waht cough syrup does to my brain.

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

4 posted 2002-10-30 12:21 PM

Lisa you are growing in leaps and bounds

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2002-10-30 01:42 PM

Woah... Lisa... definately not what I expected, but it made the poem even better because it caught me off guard like that. That's a really hard decision to make...

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2002-10-30 01:46 PM

Lisa, I quite enjoyed this.   Especially the surprise ending.  It took me completely off-guard.

The ending kind of leaves me wondering about why you make the conclusion that you do?  It's not made clear, and while I'm certain it's intentional that you keep it somewhat shrouded, it still is aggravating... hehe...

Great writing.  Very nice to read from you again.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

7 posted 2002-10-30 04:14 PM

oh this is a tough decision.

I like your poem. The style is kinda new to me.

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

8 posted 2002-10-30 06:54 PM

Lisa~
Your poetry just keeps getting better and better.
This is so well written and a very powerful read.
I felt every bit of this as I read, and was
as unprepared as the others for the ending.
This is always a very tough decision to make,
and you've done an excellent job of expressing
the emotions involved.
Again...you're growing, and I'm truly impressed.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

9 posted 2002-10-30 08:46 PM

I liked this one alot. The ending was totally unexpected and I enjoyed that. Great job.

*~erin~*

"They say you need to pray if you wanna go to heaven. They never tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell."-Brand New

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

10 posted 2002-10-30 09:10 PM

I thought this was a great poem! I loved the format you used, VERY nice. AND, I can really empathize with the main idea, so it's quite possibly your best yet! Later!

After Love comes Pain, then Love, Then Pain, then Love, then Pain..... does anyone else see a pattern here? Oh well, can't say it's not worth it.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

11 posted 2002-10-30 09:40 PM

i really enjoyed the style you used here. oh how many times i've zoned out like this...

the ending really did take me for a ride.

nice job. one of your best yet.

oh, and i love that song. that whole album brings back some memories. it was one of the cds i really listened to during hospitalization numero tres and helped keep my spirits up.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

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