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Morgana Le Fay
Junior Member

since 2002-10-25

Posts 22

0 posted 2002-10-25 08:27 PM

I'm not trying to fool anybody. Why bother? This is Dark Enchantress. I've been wanting a new name for a while, but grew impatient and decided - screw the past posts. Just start over. Besides, they were crappy anyway. Although I'm almost positive that this will be the only time I'll ever use this screen name. In fact, I don't plan on coming back for a while. Not that I'm here much anyway. But who knows. I kind of like the feel of new skin. Oh, and by the way- I don't bother titling my poems anymore. So when you're seeing 'untitled' over and over again it's because I don't like titles. Besides, 'untitled' is always so appropriate for my poetry. Enjoy. Or not.

I knew
they weren't
really
reaching
into their coat pockets
looking for the
keys

The voices
were scattered
and shallow
like half-born dreams
becoming
flighty
and entirely
unoriginal inside
themselves

So I turned
to the pastel painted
tiles, or I suppose
that they were
really just
blocks

I began to
count them, but
I only got to
17

before my eyes began
to quake
and flutter,
sinking inside my
head

In the other room
I heard
them with their
mildew stinking
threads

They thought I
was sleeping, but
I was really
dead

by the woods, you hear it creeping, and you know, they're the blood in you

[This message has been edited by Morgana Le Fay (10-25-2002 08:45 PM).]

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

1 posted 2002-10-25 11:12 PM

call me babes.

before you disappear on me.

i try to write, but to no avail.

will you reply?

excellent work, as usual.

it is you m'dear, who've raised my bar.

love ya.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2002-10-26 03:47 AM

Absolutely brilliant, Jaime. So many aspects of this caught my eye but I wont sit here and list them all. Overall it's got just enough sarcasm to highlight the sincerity.

I hope you don't leave us for too long. I mightn't always reply to your pieces but I read everything. Thanks for posting this.

~AF~

Anti Lemming Crusader - Fight against the conformity!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-10-26 02:57 PM

This was an amazing poem. The style and just everything about this poem radiated brilliance. I loved it so much, probably my favorite from you and this is NO LIE.

Seriously, you ought to post more of these kind of pieces. Work more with that style, it's awesome.

Lovin' it and cravin' more

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2002-10-26 04:13 PM

Smashing, dear. Smashing, as usual. I'll respond more later.

Sincerely,
Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (10-26-2002 06:13 PM).]

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

5 posted 2002-10-26 10:08 PM

you crave a lot, don't you m'man?

chat with me jav.

haha.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2002-10-27 11:55 AM

This is pretty cool, Morgana... I knew it was you when I saw your username and I was going to call you on it, but then you went and admitted it...

I did the same thing, though.  Feels nicer to be in a fresh skin, doesn't it?  Just keep an eye on the "name change" thread in Announcements, Ron might do another name change sweep soon and give you the opportunity to combine your two usernames into one.

As for this poem... hmm... I like the content, but what really miffs me is the line breaks.  You really like to make the eye travel, don't you?  It can be a good thing, and then it can cut up some of your thoughts and make them less fluid... I think it harmed you in a few places.

Overall, a pretty good poem.  I've read things I've enjoyed far more from you, though.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

7 posted 2002-10-28 10:48 AM

i am hearing myself in this. way too much.
this is soooo so so beautiful.
if i could say something intelligent i would but, my mind doesn't seem to be working.

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