Teen Poetry #6 |
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bare feet dancing. |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
All those people with the starry hair, and long skirts And bare feet, dance tonight, making angels in mud, Making their fingerprints untouchable, they are untouchable This is what I remember, I remember remembering you I remember seeing every other face, yours, And last night, there was no mud to slide into, laughing At your self for having so much fun when the world is A sour place to be. But really you're just laughing because, You're over tired. You're a vampire in the night, walking down Deserted streets, sneaking out of lock doors and dark houses Memorizing the floor, memorizing her touch, and the sunset Doesn't ruin your perfectly placed red and purple hair No glitter today, no glitter ever. We talked about stealing Musicians guitars, talked about stealing the posters off the wall And you've stolen my heart, making it bleed just a little less, Just a little less than before. And right now I'm missing Running in graveyards, having fake funerals, and not waiting until Tomorrow, I hate waiting for tomorrow, would you notice if I was Gone today? Love is so far away, two weeks from now if not on Sunday I'll sit in church, staring at the stain glass windows, paying no attention to Eyes, that stare, I want to be beautiful with you, I want to accent your beauty And I can't see how, you can leave me feeling so amazing and that Now I can feel so alone without my fairies, unicorns and ghost's, Making circles around me, as I lay on the cold room floor Wishing nothing else but, to fade away. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked it, but felt that there were 3 different poems somehow rolled up into this one. ![]() This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Local Parasite![]()
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
3? I counted two... but whatever... There are some definite "shifts" in here that could be what Javier is referring to, but that's fine. The title suggests something a bit fanciful and unpredictable, so the shifts are appropriate. With the shifts follows a train of emotional tone. You brought the fluid nature of the poem out by using a lot of enjambments to bring the lines together. I really like that. Very nicely written. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
That was great, I love just reading it over and over and seeing it all in my mind. This person must mean a lot to you. That was very nicely done. Nao~ Have a good one. |
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Surreal Junior Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 35Paris |
I loved this piece, and I found the beginning to be the part I liked best. The entire poem flowed together very well and the transistion between the different tones was very fluid. This was a lovely piece of work ![]() Glory is a silent thing-- Mineral |
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