give me your pulse? - pipTalk Forums

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clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

0 posted 2002-10-21 11:26 AM

"i'd offer you my pulse,
i'd give you my breath"
i really did try and think about
those wordsthat you said, i really did
try to just go to sleep, but i can never
just go to sleep. (when i'm like that)
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.
words seem so insignificant, i feel so small,
so light headed that i can't bear to
look at the light of the morning,
(good thing it's a cloudy day)
i want it to snow so that it can bury me deep
(so i won't be able to pray)
won't be able to breathe,
give me your breath?
(so i won't be able to bleed)
give me your pulse?

---

it's going to be hard to
smile today. to fake today.
i'm so good at it though that it's

practically half of my heart,
(she's the other half)

pulling me away
why can't it ever be just enough?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2002-10-21 11:35 AM

I liked this one. It was pretty well written.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Surreal
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 35
Paris

2 posted 2002-10-21 12:23 PM

I always enjoy what I guess you could call "conversation" in poems. The emotion in these were put across very well.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-10-21 03:35 PM

Like Surreal, I also like conversation, or "apostrophe," with impresent or inanimate parties in poetry... it can often be a great vehicle for emotions.

You've structured this quite well. Nicely done.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

4 posted 2002-10-21 05:42 PM

i am really digging the concept of this piece, however i must say that i do enjoy some of your other work better.

but this was excellent nonetheless.

i love your raw, honest and unique perception on things. definitely keeps my eyes open for more.

::grins::

/jen/

to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. [ghandi]

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