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Teen Poetry #6
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in your shadow
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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in your shadow |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
our relationship is slowly decaying so away i am running i am hiding in your shadow hoping that you wont go i need you with me i need you to make me happy in your arms i lied now all i can do is cry Why? am i think about you sadly Why? do i run and hide maybe its beacuse you lied so why? did you lie to me and break what we had u were so bad to me but i still am so sad |
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| © Copyright 2002 samantha rae - All Rights Reserved | |||
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
My ear hurts.  I liked this, it didn't  (stink)keep posting.  (you want potatoes and ham, yea, yea??) "I've been trapped inside your hearshaped box for weeks" |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
i really liked the message this was getting across and ur not alone by any means. It's really too bad that many people have to experience this kinda thing. Good work though. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i think you should use a little punctuation. your pieces would greatly benefit from the addition. it gives the reader a better sense of what you're trying to say, where to pause and reflect, etc. and it does make it easier to read as the poem doesn't have the never-ending effect. but i did like the poem a lot. good write and thanks for sharing. /jen/ to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. [ghandi] |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Sam.... This poem is a masterpiece. Don`t worry bout jen (quietlydying). She said the same thing to me. IN my opinion......Poetry doesn`t need punctuation. Poetry is a freeform self-expression. I think that (sometimes) if you put punctuation in a poem...it kind of turns off the whole idea of it being from the heart. If you are really gonna write poetry...I think that you should type it from the heart. You shouldn`t bother your creative mind flow with problems of puctuation. That is just my opinion tho. Do whatever YOU want.... |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Well personally, my heart feels complete punctuate feelings... Casey |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
hi devinechild22. in my eyes those types of comments really aren't appropriate for teen. they create negative and harsh feelings between members. as well as the fact that they do give the other members false impressions of a nonexistent quarrel. i was giving advice. trying to be very sensitive since the critique flag wasn't up. if you have any questions, please email me. [the link to the address is at the top of the page with the other moderators'.] i do also feel it's inappropriate to comfort a poety for a non-existent attack. thanks for understanding. /jen/ to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. [ghandi] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Alright kids break it up. No more horse play. Let us not insult the poet by having arguments in the topic of the poem. The poem was well written. Done nicely. I enjoyed it fully. Now, as jen was kindly suggesting: The use of punctuation would have made the poem flowed better. It aids the reader in understanding where the poet would like for you to stop and go. However, it is not completely necessary. If you choose not to, then do not. Simple as that. As far as punctuation not coming from the heart.......I don't know about you folks, but I'm semi-in love with the colon -:- Gotta love it.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. [This message has been edited by Dopey Dope (10-21-2002 10:52 AM).] |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I like this... I think that the neglection of punctuation kind of sped it up and kept it from having many pauses. but Jen clearly likes to take a breath (what a wimp  ) once and a while, which is okay...Poetry can come from the heart and still have time taken to be written with a more advanced skill, however. I think you will all agree that poetry is a form of art, and that as such, it should either be expressive or a method of "mimesis" (I think that's how it's spelled), in that you capture an already existing element of nature or reality and describe it in some artistic way. Of course, you can always try to improve the quality of your poetry by altering the method in which you deliver whatever you wish to express... be it through learning a bit more punctuation, trying new formats, et cetera. I think poetry is merely a method to communicate an idea. This method doesn't come from the heart, it comes from the mind... even if the content comes from the heart. And Javier - I'm fully in love with the semi-colon. So does that mean, mathematically, we're involved in some kind of love triangle?  ; Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I surely hope not  but let me take the time to say- great poem again |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
UMMMM In no way did I mean to offend anyone. I was merely stating my opinion.IS that not what this site is all about? All I was saying was how I had an opinion on the matter. If my opinion is not wanted I would be happy to find another site to post my opinion and poetry on. Just as long as no one is offended by it. Good poem Sam. (here is some more drama for you sam.) *Allison* |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
this was good sam |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
lol Sam, this is funny. Anyway- I read you're poem again (and all the replies) and it's still wondeful.. with or without propper punctuation. blee blah blee. Talk to you soon. (allion's tellin "HIM" tomorrow... oooo, and Jennifer's been talkin smack about me.. we're gonna be back to this (  )again"Sometimes, somethings turn into dumb things, and that's when you put your foot down." |
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Alone Afraid n' Away Junior Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 19 |
It was really good sam tho sumtimes i got a little confused....(Alix said it reminded her of her and jose`) |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
Ya know, all I wanted to say...has been said already! Well, thanks guys. Trying to make me look bad eh?? Hehe well good job. Laura "I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful." |
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boy and his spirit Junior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 41within my heart |
my lover (mister parasite) said in his reply, "I think poetry is merely a method to communicate an idea. This method doesn't come from the heart, it comes from the mind... even if the content comes from the heart." i agree wholeleggedly. sometimes, when i need to spill the secrets of my heart, i cant do it in any other way other than poetry. I have a passion for poetry, isnt that why we are all here? about the poem, it was very, very nice. beautiful, usually poems dont touch me, but this one did. visit my work sometime! its very alike. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Dinky, I enjoyed your poem. Boy and His Spirit, is Brian really your"lover?" Never be normal! |
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roxywrestlegirl04 Member
since 2002-10-29
Posts 74good ole DINWIDDIE |
geeze....everybody is argueing...haha....great poem...(i dont use punctuation either) no worries! GOOD JOB! live,love,and die...but take RISKS..thatz what makes life worth the living, love worth the heartache,and death the new beginning! |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey, this reply is for sara thanx to every1 for replyin and thanx for tellin me the truth, i have tryed to use punctuation more often but i think that that poem came really fast so there was no time for punctuation (lol) but thanx again for replyin and bein honest (happy sara i cant put the other paranthese or however u spell it right by the smiley cuz then it would look weird so i wrote this explainin wwhy) ~samantha~ "sometimes i just feel like |
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