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Frog Hunter (challenge #1)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Frog Hunter (challenge #1) |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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(note - I don't control the symbols... the symbols control me!  )Frog Hunter I recall in the fall of that dolorous year in the wake of the loss of my love, it began out-of-place, I was paced 'cross this desolate sphere but was halted by glimpse of this quizzical man when I stopp'd to a swamp, where a startling sight would encounter my vision that thick, autumn night! To his lair, did I stare, in the watery murk 'tween the reeds and the creatures in water who bask at a chance did I glance, and did spot him at work in his ponderous pose at a diligent task not a gaze did he raise from his palsy of calm ev'ry arrow was sharpen'd with zealous aplomb And when narrow, each arrow was spilt to his quiver and quiver was slung over shoulder, on back to the lake, did he rake on the banks of the river behind him by lasso, his carrying sack stalking low, with his bow, he did target his prey o what smug and unwary of creatures, were they With what care, did he fare, at this trivial deed as a mother would cradle a child to her breast! and with ire did he fire at a merciless speed at those mirthful of ponderers, laying in rest in antiquity, sickeningly, feasting on flies not an eye to attach to his stealthy disguse As he shot, I could not but be pregnant with awe for with skill and precision each object was fired when lifted, they drifted in absence of flaw on a carpet of air to the targets desired the warted, contorted in wistful surprise with a look of indignity bright in their eyes And once finish'd, diminish'd in bullet and drive not a form was aware quite of what did occur 'mongst the silence, the vi'lence could feign to revive for a scurry of coward survivors did stir whilst we watch'd, we were botch'd and so very ashamed as each soul to his carrying sack was reclaim'd On his trail, did I tail, in the swampwaters lush in a cloak of his scornful audacity's husk t'wards his nest was I press'd, 'neath the cover of brush, to accompany him at the coming of dusk I would thieve to concieve and descry his abode when to slumber, his mis'rable breathing was slow'd But instead, I was led to a drearier place 'pon the cliffs that look'd over his archery grounds not a reed did recede from the precipice face not a thing to be seen, but a gravelly mound where he knelt, and I felt 'neath my soles as he wept what beneath this oblivious monolith slept From his sack, ev'ry snack was withdrawn by the top and examined in detail, in solid disdain then into his lugubrious visage, he dropp'd those unfortunate creatures, still squirming in pain but his eyes were compris'd not of blunder or sin rather sorrow, pure sorrow, was prison'd within Ev'ry day did I pray for the frog hunter's soul but did never return 'til the snowfall commenc'd and the pond then was gone, at the wintery toll where the wildlife, by measure, had all since dispens'd in effect, I inspected the place where he slept but it now was by frost and atrocity, kept And I search'd, and I search'd through the chapel of ice as a memory frighten'd my feet to ascend to that place, where his face he would bury in vice o'er the grave so deprav'd, to what feast he'd attend In dismay, he did lay, at the side of the mound where, in times of regret, he'd so often be found So I gather'd and smather'd his body with snow to conceal the expression of terror he wore faint of heart, I departed the wintery glow with the void of the swampwater echoing sore but in spring, did it sing, as I stepp'd to the land with my bow and my quiver held firmly in hand. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
this one was incredible i loved it i really dont no what to say but that it was incredible and i cant wait to read another one of ur poems |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
I had trouble picking a favorite part in this writing of yours, but I've come up with this... "In dismay, he did lay, at the side of the mound where, in times of regret, he'd so often be found" But it was all wonderfully written. For some reason, my strange mind, brought up a picture of snow ... even thought you'd inputted that ti was autumn ... but, I'm just weird. And also-for some reason-this reminded me of a fairy tale of some kind, but gone wrong ... but as I said-I'm strange, so ignore my thinking. Anyway- regardless of what my mind told me, I really liked this- (whether it was snowing or not)  Keep writing, Sara "Close your eyes and begin to breathe.. Something's coming over me. Lust to find and a soul to keep. Because you love me.." [This message has been edited by PoeticGoddessOfDepression (10-19-2002 06:19 PM).] |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
* faints * omg Brian this was awesome!!! :-P!!! Am I allowed to say gorgeous, or does this describe it correctly? Hm....give me a while to think on that one!! Great Job!! * thumbs up * Ri Winky!!~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Brian~ Well, I've read this several times now, and I still don't have the words to do it justice. Just trust me when I say that I love it.  The rhyme and meter are excellent and it flows beautifully throughout the entire piece. You have an amazing talent, Brian, and I truly enjoy reading your work. Thanks for responding to this 'corny' challenge. You've gone above and beyond with this one! *big smiles*, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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anawnda Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113 |
ey, i dont know why but call me weird or stupid but this poem reminds me of legolas in lord tolkien's The lord of the rings books especially the last part. great poem, its has some sort of fairytale quality about it. |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
I definitely agree with Sara about a fairy tale gone wrong, that was my thinking exactly! This was wonderful and ... Woh, just amazing. Great Stuff and beautiful talent! Yay for you ~Laura~ |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
You LOVE interperetations, eh? Well, my friend, there are many possible interperetations to this one... maybe we can discuss it sometime later. But for now, take my applause on a piece well-written. You never do anything less. Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
and so the rhyme master and meter nut has done it again!! verrrry nice work. i just have one little thing. the sentences just seem to drag on. maybe you could add some pauses and whatnot? i don't know if you're trying to give new meaning to the term 'run-on sentence'. or if you've just found some very quirky little odd basically unknown meter, but i need a pause or two!! i'm only human!! excellent job boy. and yes, i DID turn down my music. i just happened to be listening to the 'original' puff the magic dragon. now i have to go play the song again. /jen/ to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. [ghandi] |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was amazing... "As he shot, I could not but be pregnant with awe" I loved that....being pregnant with awe...there was incredible imagary in your piece, Brian. Another wonderful work of art. Regina |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
like a few others i had to read this more than once, and i'm very much impressed, i love what u did with the opening lines of each little stanza, very clever. I liked this a lot, looking forward to more. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You're obsessed with this oddish time period. Reminds me of King Arthur meets Lord of the Rings. What's up with that? This was very well done, a bit long, but hey I put in the trouble to read it (I swear). Very very very well written poem.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
I have to say that I laughed all the way throughout this. Even the part where he let the frogs out of he sack.  Dopes just made me laugh all the more...You are, afterall, from Riverwood eh? I think youre entitled to your Robinhoodedishnes. OH, and another thing, just cuz Shakespear is excused for making up his own words, doesn't mean that you are Are you scared?  BOO! Are you now?[This message has been edited by cherish (10-22-2002 12:01 AM).] |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Dude---this poem reminds me of one thing: "Zidane! You want frog?!!! Zidane! I done catching!" E muja oui, "Hyweyr". Pavune E lyh raym ouin byeh, E ryja du kad ujan so ufh... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
This is a very very impressive write.... one that speaks volumes of your depth of talent and natural gift that you have taken and developed further. The repetative use of internal rhymes is very cool and most impressive...as is the rhyme scheme... your cadence and melodics are awesome....read aloud this dances and resonates...the vocabulary( also impressive)...the word play and phrasing...the alliterations, the imagery, all are superbly done and employed masterfully. As are the personifications and metaphors and symbolism ... Add all these to the wonderful storytelling theme that you carried out to poetic perfection. Its obvious that you worked hard on this and also obvious you are very talented. I regret not reading you before...I usually only have time to read in Open..but came to see some of your rhymes after reading your comments on Poet D's "Whats Next" thread...I will have to look for more of your work in Archives. I so enjoy discovering such talented poets to learn from. Very well done poet sir....very well indeed. JM (mothyme) Unknown to us, there are moments when crevices open for time to come alive with begining. John O'Donohue Conamara Blues [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (10-22-2002 11:51 AM).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
pardon the silly moth............ forgot to put this in my library. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ok....the DENSE moth is back......Was just reading your work in back pages the light went on-----yeah..Im a little slow...ROFL..... The irony of this is that when I read this...I said to moth self...he writes as awesome as ...........lmao......... So...either way...I win....cuz now you know the reads are sincere based on the poetry. And damn fine poetry it is. Ok..the moth is done stalking you. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Thanks for the replies, everyone. Dinky - I'm glad you enjoyed it so much, and I appreciate your high praise. Can't wait to read more? Nobody's stopping you. Sara - Well, I did use some snow imagery towards the end, as the narrator came back in the wintertime. And I live in Canada, so snow in autumn is not unusual by any means. Thanks for your reply. Ri - Hey girl! I always appreciate your reply, 'cause of all the exclaimation points.  You're allowed to say gorgeous. Winky!Vicky - Thanks for reading this, and we're all indebted to you (and Rhonda) for giving us this challenge, and the effort you put into this forum does not go unappreciated. I had been wrestling a stubborn muse, but this challenge shook the dust off and I feel rejuvinated... expect more postings from me soon. Anawnda - Lord of the Rings? Well, I'm sure Legolas had better things to do than hang out in a marsh and hunt frogs. But hey, maybe he's been bored lately. Who knows? Thanks for the response, pure bliss. NSnamoian - How the hell is your name pronounced? Thanks for your response, and the yay for me. Seems like everyone's picking up on a fantasy theme in this poem somehow.... heh... guess it's just the style I wrote it in, and the inclusion of a hermetic archer... Yay for you too. Lovebug - You'd better not be BSing me when you say you can think of many interpretations. I'm going to get in touch with you soon and we can talk all about it. Thanks loads for your response! /jen/ - Always flattering to recieve your approval. Don't like the run-on sentences? Oh NO! My poetry flows too well! Heh... seriously though... I had indeed been considering punctuating it a bit more, but I felt that would throw off the really quick flow I intended with the anapestic tetrameter. I tried to give this a really, really speedy flow so that it didn't seem like it was as long as it really is... anyways, thanks for your criticism, but I'd dismissed it when I thought of it myself. Cheers. Ina - Thanks tons for your praise, babe. Seeing your name in my replies really takes me back to the good old days... heh... Shady - It's about time somebody commented on "what I did" there... haha... people were tossing me such general praise that I started wondering if all the internal rhyme was worth the extra stress I put on myself. Of course, it's that internal rhyme that forces me to reword things like that... so yeah, you should give it a shot sometime. It'll really corner you into some brilliantly worded lines. Jav - Wow, you actually replied! I did NOT expect you to bother taking the time with this one... assuming you did... hehe... anyhow, yeah I am obsessed with that oddish time period, although I didn't really specify it as any time period. Like I said above, it's probably just my style... someone said to me in another thread that I like writing in the old english style. Must just be all the apostrophes I throw into my words to shorten 'em. As for the length, I tried to make it flow as painlessly as possible. So you're one of those people who scrolls down before reading to see how long it is? And then groans and groans? Wimp! Cherry - You're the only one who found this humourous, I guess... what did I do wrong?  Geez, it's meant to be serious... oh well.And I didn't invent a single word. Get your dictionary out before you make accusations like that. Zidane - Thank you master Quale! I train more. Moth-girl - Haha... took you long enough... now I know the name of "bug-swatter" makes you naturally aversive towards it, but really, take the time to read a few of the threads in there... you'd be shocked what truths come out, hm? Thanks muchly for your praise and response... I always am thrilled to gain your approval. Off I go to catch a bus to school. Thanks again, everyone. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I honestly thought I replied to this... Very well written, brian. I am most impressed/jealous with this piece. you've really brought out some fine lines - too many of which there are to pick out. Bravo, bravo. ~AF~ Consider yourself added to the hitlist. |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!I pretty much agree with everyone. It did remind me of like a Lord of the Rings meets a very messed up fairy tale. I usually dont take the time to read long poems but this one really kept me with it. I loved it! Great one. *Allison* |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
I'm glad Allison Popped this one back up here again, I could have sworn I submitted this to me library for challenge responses, and b/c it was just outstanding, but I guess not. Shame on me! :smacks her hand: Sorry. Laura "I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful." |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
hehe, went back and read ur reply to every one brian......!!!!!!!!!! my exclamations express me well!!!!!!!! everyone knows its me i guess huh......gorgeous!! winky Great job once again Brian! Riley ~*Pain strikes my heart, water drips down my face, I now stand in front of you, full of shame and disgrace*~ |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Smart Riley, gotta add this one to my library. Forgot. Smart blonde huh.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( blonde exclamation point queen ) Riley ~*Pain strikes my heart, water drips down my face, I now stand in front of you, full of shame and disgrace*~ |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
i thought that i replyed to this too but i guess i didnt so herez whut im going to say: i liked this one alot i read it a while ago and i have reread some of the lines again.This was really good the only thing i didnt like about it was how long it was but i read it thorough and enjoyed it  "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Foreverwithyou: When you read Brians poetry, be ready to sit back and really read. He has to many ideas to put in a short poem, which is why I like reading his poetry. Just thought I'd make a comment. O and Brian...this is lucky # 4 post on ur poem. ....winky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~ |
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rimmie Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 45Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada |
WOW!!! dude!!! this poem is amazing Alex told me you were good but wow!!! |
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boy and his spirit Junior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 41within my heart |
dont break my heart. never hurt me or i will hurt yours. last night i gained respect for you like you will never feel as you reach your climax, into where you love me best. tickle me with your love like you kiss me where you love me. love me becauase i know you do. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
That was good, and ver deep. What is wrong with that boy..... "Sticks and stones will break my bones, |
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