Teen Poetry #6 |
Biased |
lonewolf1 New Member
since 2002-10-16
Posts 9 |
Biased She doesn’t know, she never will. Her killing beauty, sends a chill. I’ll never see her beauty set free, but for this chance I’d cease to be. Now all is changed. I’ll never look upon a rose. It’s beauty she took. For all my life nothing shall compare to the beauty of her stare. All is biased, nothing remains. I look on beauty, and see her stains. Now all others I shall forever compare. To the beauty of this maiden fair. I will never forget a goddess like she. Her perfect beauty set me free. Though all looks ugly compared to her, and of this sickness, none can cure. Given the chance to correct my mistake. To forget her beauty, an error I’d make. This biased view none will cure. For here I lie, dreaming of her. |
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© Copyright 2002 lonewolf1 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this one a lot. You wrote it well and the scheme of things was written nicely. A poem well written on your part, and read on my part This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Awesome...., the rhyming scheme seemed a little of at times but then again I'm wierd! Great job! Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
The meter was off in a few places. I love your use of iambic meter where you pulled it off, but in a few places you definitely digressed from it and just tried to squeeze a less-flowing set of words in... I don't know, that kind of bothered me. Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this... I like your style, kiddo. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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lonewolf1 New Member
since 2002-10-16
Posts 9 |
Thanks for all your imput. Her and cure definitely don't rhyme. I'll fix it. If any other messed up rhymes catch your eye let me know. P.S. Thanks for the warm welcome. lonewolf |
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