scenarios for saturday. - pipTalk Forums

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clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

0 posted 2002-10-16 11:04 PM

So overly tired and my
Stomach hurts from laughing so much
And I haven't felt that feeling in so long
I don't know about you, but it was wonderful.

And I played guitar for you over
The phone, hoping you liked it,
Hoping that I didn't stumble over strings
Hoping that you'd never leave.

And I wished time would slow down
Because that's what I always wish when
I'm with you, but now that your gone
I'm still happy, not missing you

Okay, that's a lie because I'm
Always missing you but I am happy
That I'm with you and, I'm going over
Scenarios for Saturday. I asked you what yours were
But you wouldn't really tell me.

All you said was that they were lovely.
And you said, use your imagination.
So I'm imagining white blankets and
Her bed.

-------------------------
(c) october 16th.
-jessyka.

"i know i dirtied the plan, to walk beside the rain and the superman. it's time to let you fly, been pacing up and down and no reply, it's time to let

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-16 11:19 PM

Nicely written, Clumsy! I think you could have worked on making the enjambments a bit more flowing, maybe only using line breaks where there is a pause in speech... just to keep the eyes from getting sore darting around.

This is a sweet poem... I'm glad that you're enjoying yourself so much in this relationship.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

2 posted 2002-10-16 11:24 PM

This was super. Good stuff indeed.

*~erin~*

"They're just words, they don't hurt."-Ben Kweller

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

3 posted 2002-10-17 01:24 PM

Once again, a really sweet post that avoids being too saccharine (sp?)
Nice one!
Ellie

"Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:35 PM).]

gymnast
Member

since 2001-11-18

Posts 80
Scotland.