through wind and coffee - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

0 posted 2003-07-25 05:41 PM

I fell asleep backward, my head where my feet should go.
As I listened to the wind whistle,
outside my window.
Theres something different about the way it blows out here.
Its a hollow lonely cry.
Mimicking the stirring in my heart.
Air bouncing off, faster air.
Its cold out here.
Something so different, I hate it.
Even the irony of it.
I miss you...
I fell asleep backward,
hoping to see things from a different point of view.
As the morning coffee brewed.. I realized
I still felt exactly the same way about you.

Rise of Truth
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 59
Beneath the Fury Sun

1 posted 2003-07-25 05:59 PM

I like the title. There was flesh to this one. Nicely.

"Our child is in your hands
So let's see you smile now
Cause i'm not impressed with your loneliness"
By Zwan

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2003-07-25 06:41 PM

I really like this one!Alot, especially the end.
Excellent job! And going in my library.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

3 posted 2003-07-25 11:57 PM

"As the morning coffee brewed",
I enjoyed this line! Actually I enjoyed the whole poem!
-ash

[This message has been edited by Match (07-25-2003 11:58 PM).]

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

4 posted 2003-07-26 05:40 AM

thats just super, all i have to say is...................makaveli.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

5 posted 2003-07-26 01:19 PM

the title made me want to read the poem, and the poem made me want to read more. great write...i loved the whole concept of it!!

riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

6 posted 2003-07-26 01:24 PM

Thank you...
makaveli...I'm going to pretend that this is a good thing.

I really appreciate all of the replies. I almost didn't write this one. The idea popped into my head at 1am..I'm glad I took the time to write it down. Thank you for your time and kindness.
~Lex..

Evie
Junior Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 15

7 posted 2003-07-26 04:39 PM

Yay! I finally have the time 2 reply to a poem! Lol....this poem to be honest is not one of your best, it could use some revision and more LINES....but it was still pretty good....I think maybe u should consider giving it a different title as well instead of "through wind and coffee", but that's just my personal opinion....don't take MY word 4 it....lol....keep working at it....practice will greatly improve the outcome.....luv ya girl....keep your chin up and no matter what happens don't give up....peace out!

Tiffany Evangeline

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

8 posted 2003-07-26 05:42 PM

Superb. I love the artisticness that I felt in this poem. The imegry, the use of words to describe emotions, feelings, events, all at once. The blending of the present and past, the blending in the ending of that night and that man... very, very good.

~Titus

The few. The proud. The Marines.

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (07-26-2003 05:44 PM).]

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

9 posted 2003-07-26 06:08 PM

very unique. i like the idea of sleeping backwards... i do that a lot.

~cassi

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.