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peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

0 posted 2003-07-24 09:54 PM

I'm better off alone,
Correct yourself,
Love doesn't get any better than this,
Crucial emotions,
Free to be one of independence,
Sunken down into the abyss of discomfort,
Dividing half of my heart away,
Leaving the other to stain,
Nervously I touch my eyes,
Agile, I know,
Smooth tears artisticly paint themselves upon my cheeks,
Fleeing from the abrupt pain,
Certain to shatter the elegance I once possessed.

"If I could give you one gift it would be my eyes...So you could see how it feels to be me looking at you." -Unknown

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2003-07-24 10:14 PM

wow, this poem was deep and full of imagery, Highly enjoyed ny me
-ash

I'm just kickin it up

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

2 posted 2003-07-24 10:23 PM

I really really liked this. I agree that the imagery was great and I simply adore that last line.

~cassi

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

3 posted 2003-07-24 11:49 PM

magnific. nice write.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

4 posted 2003-07-25 12:38 PM

Peaches!! You have done it again... this time in a more picture like way. A painting if you will, I can see the picture... the face changing from verse to verse. Not to be a downer but I did slow through the middle of the piece; it may be just my reastion. In either case way to go.

NJS

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

5 posted 2003-07-25 01:05 PM

OMG Jess...! This poem leaves me speechless! I think this is your best write YET! GREAT JOB hun!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

Song_for_Serenity
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 97
USA

6 posted 2003-07-29 10:52 PM

Hey there. Great work! I really really liked this. I dunno what I like best about it. Anyhoo, it's going in my library. Have a spiffy day!
Sealed with a "img src="/pip/icons/icon37.gif">

~Angela
"Anything less than mad, passionate love is wasting your time...Life has too many mediocre things in it, love shouldn't be one of them..."

Song_for_Serenity
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 97
USA

7 posted 2003-07-29 10:54 PM

oops ^---that was supposed to turn out like this:

Oh well, have a spiffy day!

~Angela
"Anything less than mad, passionate love is wasting your time...Life has too many mediocre things in it, love shouldn't be one of them..."

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

8 posted 2003-07-30 10:53 PM

"Smooth tears artisticly paint themselves upon my cheeks"

Absolutely beautiful line. As is the entire poem. I agree with BabieDoll...I think this may be one of your best yet. It's a very beautiful poem that flows well. Yet, Misfit is still my favorite! Hehe. Love's.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

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