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EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

0 posted 2003-07-20 05:50 PM

Here I stand, dearest
Where the grassy hills hit the sky
And the sun looks like the resulting explosion.

It was in this field
That, all those shredded years ago
I let go of your hand, and the one became two.

Since that catalytic day,
Time becomes tangled in its own years
Ripped out of chronological order, then mixed up.

And you stand alone
And feel a ghostly hand clutch yours
And remember everything that ever was and never will be.

Would it be cruel
To smile, let go, and say
"Ignore it. It's just a trick of the light."?

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-07-20 08:59 PM

good! very good. I loved the part about time being tangled in its own years. very nice write. BRAVO!

~Lex..

Adam Alexander
Junior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 11
Home...

2 posted 2003-07-20 09:25 PM

Indeed, I enjoyed this much. Thank you.

A^2

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

3 posted 2003-07-20 09:30 PM

i really like the vocabulary in this... it stood out to me.

~othersideofthemirror

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

4 posted 2003-07-20 10:05 PM

This was well written. Kudos to you. I'm not around much any more, I drop in from time to time however, and this was nice.

JC

"Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me."

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

5 posted 2003-07-21 09:48 AM

This was really good. Thanks for the read.

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

6 posted 2003-07-21 10:24 AM

Would it be cruel
To smile, let go, and say
"Ignore it. It's just a trick of the light."?

Those are my favorite lines. This was an interesting piece. Thanks for the read.

-Jen

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it's expressed in the choices on makes." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

7 posted 2003-07-22 03:38 AM

Lies in my hands huh?? Well I must say that I belive I haven't seen this style before. If there is a word for it, I'd like to know. Anywho.. to be constructive; this was excellent and very nice in racking the sensory part of my brain. Pictures were trying to be made but each stanza shifted them a little. Too cool...

NJS

Toasty
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin

8 posted 2003-07-22 10:16 AM

an excellent choice of words.. interesting style... emotional... exceptional.

I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your stuff!

~toasty

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

9 posted 2003-07-22 04:31 PM

I read this through three times before I decided to reply! The first time I wasn't really paying attention to what I was reading. Then the last stanza caught my eye so I read it a second time. I read it a third time because I wanted to make sure I just read something THAT beautiful! Great work! Can't wait to hear more from you! ~Jess

"If I could give you one gift it would be my eyes...So you could see how it feels to be me looking at you." -Unknown

Rise of Truth
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 59
Beneath the Fury Sun

10 posted 2003-07-25 01:37 PM

"The resulting explosion"

Oh all hearts be a cratered battlefield.

"Our child is in your hands
So let's see you smile now
Cause i'm not impressed with your loneliness"
By Zwan

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

11 posted 2003-07-25 06:56 PM

Nice to see you posting here again.
Very descriptive poem. I really really loved it!
The whole thing came together perfectly.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

12 posted 2003-08-19 02:31 PM

I can't believe how beautiful this poem is. It spoke to me like few have done before. I felt this the entire way through. Beautiful write. Every part of it was absolutely charming.

"I would sleep forever, if it meant I'd never stop dreaming..."

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

13 posted 2003-08-19 08:58 PM

I agree with everyone else. Very good. I enjoyed this alot. Thanks for the read.

"It's the way that he makes you feel.
It's the way that he kisses you.
It's the way that he makes you fall in love"~Sugarcult

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