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Teen Poetry #6
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sing'n fool
Member
since 2003-04-17
Posts 82
Morris, Il

0 posted 2003-06-24 11:35 PM



On the ocean of life
I am but a vessel.
I am afloat for now
but what sustains me
will eventually kill me.

Every piece of my structure
a memory of the past,
corroded now by time.

Though the engine
still propells me,
it's slowed to nothing more
than a steady crawl.

With each broken heart
and broken dream
I take structural damage.
Each one by itself
is of no concern
but together...they're devistating.

Slowly sinking
in my own dismay.
I will drift
until life itself consumes me.

Be yourself.  Say what you feel.  Nothing is wrong. To your own self be real!!

© Copyright 2003 michael - All Rights Reserved
*Belabebeautiful*
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Senior Member
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696
washington, USA
1 posted 2003-06-25 01:29 AM


The ocean of life...sigh...metaphors aren't they grand? I liked this just as I do much of your work, The first stanza was my favorite. The only thing I would have to say as a caution/warning/critique whatever you want to call it is it seems very cliche.. a little too close to something you could find in a famous script book (if that makes any sense at all!) I do love the meaning behind it though and appreaciate the metaphors in here!
~Live and Laugh~

Don't look to me for perfection, for I will surely let you down.
~Bella~

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