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ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

0 posted 2002-10-12 04:55 AM

I just wrote this, due to a 'miscommunication' i had with my best girlfriend today. it's apparently solved but i can't stop thinking about it, so i wrote this:

Words can be deadly
Friction between you and me
Over a miscomunication
Feel I owe an explanation
Talked and now moving on
Unsettled to me, i must act upon
Left with cluttered thoughts
Can this be we almost fought

My words not understood
Would say it different if i could
Didn't mean to judge or imply
Sorry is my only reply
Never wanted a silly fight
Could be wrong or right
Doesn't matter, i don't care
For you I will always be there

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2002-10-12 09:35 AM

Words are dangerous things indeed but in this instance they are well crafted and used to good effect, thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed the read

Andrew

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-12 12:03 PM

Show this to her.

Girls love poetry. I bet you know that though. If you're like me, that's how you got her in the first place...

Parasite

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

3 posted 2002-10-12 12:44 PM

thanx for the responses, i'm rather honoured that 2 of the top 5 poets actually responded to my work, and parasite, i am going to show it to her. anyone else?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-10-12 06:50 PM

2 of the top 5 poets? LMAO Who are the other 3?

Anyhow, I thought the poem expressed something that regularly occurs. Miscommunication sucks, so fix it by communicating what you feel to her. If you still think about it, express it. Do not let it hover in that mind whilst it marinates into something bigger.
Hope to read more.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

5 posted 2002-10-12 06:53 PM

Yea girls are suckers for poetry....wait....yea....I am a girl, I should know huh...? Great job, I would love for my best guyfriend to write something like this for me. Great poem

Ri

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

6 posted 2002-10-12 08:33 PM

thanx for all the responses, and for dopey dope, when i said 2 of the top 5 poets, that's in my opinion, based on how regularly they put their input towards poems, and how much i like their style and poetry. But Thanx once again for the responses, i showed her the poem and she loved it, we are all good now

.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

7 posted 2002-10-12 09:01 PM

so, if you're into rating everyone around here...

who are the other three?

and words ARE deadly.

::grins::

/jen/

i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

[the closest thing i've found to heaven is sitting here talking to you.bif naked]

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

8 posted 2002-10-13 01:39 AM

lol, well jenn, i would say u are on my personal top 5, the other 2 i won't say, but u are in there for sure, i love ur work.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

9 posted 2002-10-13 03:55 PM

The message was good, but I felt that it might flow easier without the rhyming... the rhyming sounded a little forced, which is common, so don't feel horrible about it. The message and intent was good though

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