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Teen Poetry #6
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let me go (revised)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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let me go (revised) |
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A.L Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 131
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You ruined me, and I'm not the same, Just wasted time, forget my name, You'll always be here haunting me, reminding me of my fear, I wish that I could run away cause you won't disappear... The many things I need to say have eaten me up inside, Deep beneath this numbess, covered by your pride, Suffocating from your voice, Strangled by your touch, Grasping for breath from under your lies, empty air is not enough... Turned your back like you always do, Don't be suprised that I turned on you too, Forget this familiar face, it's become a shadow of the past, forget who you turned me into, just give me myself back... I want out, just to run away from the nothing you made me become, bring me back my life, to change me to the person I ran away from, Erase you from me, release your grasp, torture me no more, Stay away from me, your my demise, it's not you that i live for... I despise you for what you've taken away, part of me is lost, I'm afraid that in you, it will stay, just another disturbing thought, Ruined everything that I am, numbness fills your space, Unchain you ties from around my heart, take me away from thie place... Live alone in shame with the person that you are, you know you'll never change and the way back is too far, Don't bring your faithlessness back to me, take it somewhere else, living in your own insanity you do it to yourself... Lost in your thoughts, Killing you inside, Tears deep as the ocean, drowning in the tide, Reahced in my soul, stealing my heart, Watched helplessly as you broke it apart... Refuse to open up again the chance I'll never take, Not my fault its your affect the choice isnt mine to make, Let me go, walk away , so this can be the end, hand my broken heart to me so I can love again... -Ali- |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
hey, I like this. The only thing I see that could be worked on is that sometimes the length varies from line to line, which I foind to be a bit distracting. But other than that, I thought it was good. You expressed your feeling well. -Jen Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their |
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Song_for_Serenity Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 97USA |
This was a great poem. I really liked it. I haven't read much of your writing, but you seem to be a great writer thus far. Have a spiffy day! |
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blueyedlioness Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 289USA |
Nice... I see it happen so much though, that people start out with like, four or five syllable lines and end up with ten or twelve syllable lines. I have a horrible time with that... I have to force myself not to, and it still turns out that way sometimes. There are a few stanzas that you have three lines instead of four, yet one of the lines can easily (in fact, needs to be) split in half to make it fit in with the four-line formatting of the rest of the poem. Nice job on the theme, the rhyme, and the wording... keep on writing!  |
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A.L Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 131 |
thanks...i forgot to space that last line, thanks for reading! |
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