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LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

0 posted 2002-10-09 07:49 PM

“Love Remains”

Falling down
I can’t stand up
Searching for a hand to grasp
I look for you
All I see
Is pain

Pain
Digging deeper
Cutting me
To the bone
Make it stop
This icy dagger
Of deceit

Deceit
Deaf ears and
Mute tongues
Upon blind eyes
Which you gave to me
With broken trust

Trust
Gone
None left
To give
Yet some
Must be found
For what remains
Is still love

Love
Stays
Within
Through tragedy
We remain
For our love remains
Lest trust and hearts
Be broken once more

But I pray it never
Comes to pass
For pain can heal
And deceit can die
Trust can be
Mended
In time
But love remains

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2002-10-10 08:45 AM

Ooh I like this a lot, I liked the use of enjambments but couldn't understand why you didnt follow this through all the way through the peice, it is however a great read, thanks for sharing it with us

Andrew

Always and forever

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

2 posted 2002-10-10 03:40 PM

Thanks for the reply.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

3 posted 2002-10-10 05:01 PM

I really liked this one to

Deceit
Deaf ears and
Mute tongues
Upon blind eyes
Which you gave to me
With broken trust

i think that this part was grate
thanks for the read

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-10-12 11:34 AM

I also noticed the use of enjambments, it's done really well in this piece... and I do see why you didn't just draw one long one out, because you had multiple points to make and had to change your subject matter from time to time. You see, Zu is a bit of a devoted lunatic, and he loves to take one concept and push it throughout an entire poem.

He usually turns out something really good, though, so I shouldn't comment.

Nice work here, man.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

5 posted 2004-04-15 09:57 AM

Damn lonewolf u are talented.i'm ur newest greatest fan.i just might end up reading almost all the poems u ever posted here.isnt it just sad when love begins to show its true colors.(not perfectly perfect)

Jesus died that you might live...accept that and u shall be saved.

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