Completely Numb (please read?)

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SimpleDiscourse
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 79

0 posted 2003-05-10 09:12 PM

In the heat of a late summer night
                 late summer yearning
He shuts his eyes too tight and whispers
   through his teeth:
I don't think I can feel anything
          anymore.
All he can think about is:
How she smells like summer after it rains.
How she makes rooftop skylines seem like ocean views.

In the heat of a late summer night
                 late summer desire
She presses her lips to his too tight and mumbles
    through his teeth:
We'll see if you've gone
          completely numb.
And all she can think about is:
How his body might feel tight against hers.
How his sweat might form on his forehead while they lay entangled.

And as they lie in the tall grass
  with the night sky threatening to storm,
he whispers for her to make him feel something.
She tenses when it starts to rain
  but her won't let her stop.
And when it's done he whispers into her hair
  that he loves her but she says nothing back.
When he wakes in the morning
  he finds himself waking alone in the tall grass
to the smell of summer after it rains.

And he feels nothing.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

1 posted 2003-05-11 01:07 AM

This had my complete interest, I couldn't stop reading it! Great imagery...very well done! ...Another one for the library! ~Jess

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

2 posted 2003-05-11 11:32 AM

I am absolutely speechless! I love everything about this poem! The imagery, the format, the style...everything is perfect! I think this is one of the best poems I've read in a LONG time...this poem was perfect! Awesome job!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2003-05-11 01:23 PM

Oh, it's so sad. But I really love it.
The ending is perfect.
Well done!

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

4 posted 2003-05-11 02:14 PM

Woah. Really awesome. I love how well it flows...

snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

5 posted 2003-05-11 05:26 PM

great job, i love the imagery! although the ending was a little different that i expected... it gave the poem a twist. I loved it! keep writing!!!!!

-Erica-

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

6 posted 2003-05-11 05:31 PM

What can I say..... I'll have to agree with the others, the imagery here is amazing. There's a sense of the girl having something to prove here, although I could be completely wrong there.... well done anyways, great write.
Ellie

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

7 posted 2003-05-11 05:46 PM

This was really good. I could see the whole thing in my head as it happened. Very well done.
Jenni

To hate you must first have loved.

SimpleDiscourse
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 79

8 posted 2003-05-11 08:52 PM

Thank you so much.

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

9 posted 2003-06-06 11:16 PM

WoW!! This was absolutely amazing....the words put such a clear picture of everything in my head. Keep up the good work!! "Secret"

juliek086
Junior Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 13
Arizona

10 posted 2003-06-06 11:26 PM

I almost didn't read this poem and I'm glad that I did. It is one of the best I've read on this web site and I'm envious of your abitlity to tell a story with such emotion, yet still giving it something I'm sure tons of people can identify with.

Love is when you do things you swore you'd never do

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