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Kodoku
New Member

since 2002-10-08

Posts 5

0 posted 2002-10-08 11:10 PM

Mistaken hopes

All around me are people
But I am all alone
What to say to them?
I cannot speak,
For the pain inside
Threatens
It chokes me
Eats me from the inside out
I no longer feel
For I am dead inside
Though I smile as you walk by,
I silently plead,
Begging you to see past my façade,
To see how I hurt inside
I long for you
Long to hear your voice,
Telling me everything will be all right
But you,
You
Walk
Past
Without a glance

All around me are people
But I
I am all alone

PeaceInEverything
Junior Member

since 2002-10-06

Posts 31
Ohio, United States

1 posted 2002-10-08 11:44 PM

Great.  It hit a very personal chord with me.  Heck, the words could have been taken from my own heart. Thank you for writing this.

My two favorite parts:

   For the pain inside
   Threatens
   It chokes me
   Eats me from the inside out
   I no longer feel
   For I am dead inside

and

   All around me are people
   But I
   I am all alone

Also, Welcome to You

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

2 posted 2002-10-09 01:42 AM

people are a round us everyday, but they don't understand us in anyway...eor

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2002-10-10 08:54 AM

A wonderful write, thanks for sharing

Andrew

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

4 posted 2002-10-13 12:27 PM

GREAT!

Ri

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2002-10-13 06:55 PM

This was really good. I felt it hard. I thought it was very well done. I am looking forward to more.

check your e-mail for a special reply...

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

6 posted 2002-10-13 08:59 PM

good job on this piece.

however, facade is an english word, and thus does not need french punctuation.

i did enjoy this very much.

welcome to passions!!

and to the others, can you please post replies more than one word and that aren't about canines? [especially if there aren't any in the piece].

/jen/

i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

[the closest thing i've found to heaven is sitting here talking to you.bif naked]

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

7 posted 2002-10-14 12:00 PM

i really really liked this. i could relate to it. and that's good when other people can relate to poetry

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

8 posted 2002-10-14 12:16 PM

A very, very well done 'first' peiece, newbie. Good flow, good meter, and most of all, you allowed us readers to feel and get a grasp of your pain. A look into you, the dangerous thing that poetry is. Well done, and welcome. Venture around the place. It's your new home.

Sincerely,
Titus

"My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems."

(2002 Copyright)

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (10-14-2002 12:16 AM).]

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

9 posted 2002-10-14 12:43 PM

Oh wow, how many times have I felt like that? Like you'd be walking with so many people who know you, talk to you, eat with you etc...but they can never tell if you're feeling ok or not. And then, when it boils down to it, you're the one to blame cuz you're the one that hides it so well. *sighs*

You wrote this well Kod, amazing how so many of us feel the same way.

Welcome Kodoku!

Hope you enjoy your time here, I look forward to reading more of your work. You've sparked my intrest, now lets hope you can keep up with keeping me satisfied

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

10 posted 2002-10-14 11:52 AM

Being alone, with people all around... quite the interesting concept. Indeed, we are always alone, so long as we never truly exist to another person. One person could be in a crowd of people, and still be alone. This person could even be with a crowd of people that do notice them, and still be alone.

And in terms of perception, it is impossible to alter one's perception... therefore we can never be anything other than alone.

How do we know that anybody other than ourselves even percieves, thinks, reasons, feels?

I quite agree with your poem. Welcome to Passions.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

11 posted 2002-10-15 11:26 PM

so when can we see more of these delicious words?

::laughing at zu for the newbie term::

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

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