Teen Poetry #6 |
The first girl i ever asked out | > |
ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
I guess it was fate That day in grade eight I called, asked you out on a date Your answer i await, you contemplate Suprised at your reply Filled with utter happiness, i could cry A moment in time, i won't forget Shouldn't have got my hopes up yet As the worst part was to come Backfired, left feeling dumb Embarrassed and the laughing stock All happiness overcome with shock My world shattered, nothing else mattered Heart ripped out, feeling bruised and battered Lost all confidence and pride Permanently scarred inside Years have passed by That day almost brings tears to my eye Can't let go, til i know An explanation i feel you owe to put my mind at ease So when i ask, tell me please |
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© Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved | |||
Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
hey i liked this! it sounds sad...but we've all gone through it..i know i have. but yeah, i liked this, good job! ~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~ |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
You have a lot of grace with rhyming, as I've seen from you so far. I hate to admit that I felt your lines were a bit unevenly sized... you could have put more effort into making them a bit more similar in length, to add to the flow. Just a suggestion, I'll understand if you reject it. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
thank you both for responding, parasite i am considering what u said about similar lenghts of lines, i didn't put much effort into this, it just flows out on to paper, most of my poems take 10 minutes tops to write, this one took me about 5, i have so much that i wanna write about, i have a hard time slowing myself down to actually put the effort into my work, but i feel as if it's not a huge importance right now, cause these aren't final copies they can always be revised, and with more effort put into them . Thanx again for repsonding, i appreciate it. |
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