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Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

0 posted 2002-09-15 01:45 PM

Your enegretic spark,
Laughter bellows out from you,
You always had to leave your mark.

Your eyes with that innocent sparkle,
The one I took away.

I'd thought you'd never leave me,
To bad we had to drift,
Me on land and you out past sea.

The first days I thought the sun wouldn't rise,
When I peeled back the curtians,
There it was,
My reminder,
I was nothing.

Nothing to you,
Nothing to me,
Nothing! And the days rolled on........

One day I awoke and the guilt was gone,
The one that had been there for so long.

The sun rises and sets,
And these memories are brushed away.
With the swat on my hand,
to my cheek.
No more crying days.

~*Azi*~

[This message has been edited by Match (09-15-2002 01:47 PM).]

Android 18
Member

since 2002-02-20

Posts 61
Austrailia (My DreamLand)

1 posted 2002-09-15 02:36 PM

I really enjoyed this one! I love how it flows from from the begining, the pain, and than to no more tears at the end. I think it's a job very well done!

"I'm Baaaack... Better Than Ever!!"

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-09-16 12:46 PM

I like the feeling of travel through different periods of time in the poem, the narrative that leads the reader from the beginning to the end, in a timely fashion. It did a lot for the level of intrigue in your poem.

Very good write.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

3 posted 2002-09-16 02:29 PM

Very nicely done! I liked the references to the sun as time passing.

I too liked how you started with pain, then how it gradually faded. Well done.

Kielo

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2002-10-20 09:47 PM

I quite liked this and the way in which it was written. Very nicely done Ashley!

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2002-10-21 04:28 AM

My opinion?

Is Cherish's!

"I quite liked this and the way in which it was written."

At times, it falters, to be frank (not Frank, silly duck)... but the style, the flow, the imagery... enjoyed.