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PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

0 posted 2003-04-18 06:26 PM

She's twirling on her tip-toes
Soaring high, on the feeling of movement
Her legs take her to another realm
She's dancing so swiftly
Letting her heart take control
She can't miss a step
Her mind is lost in the rhythm it follows
Her legs begin to stumble
But her feet won't let her fall
Her eyes are closed so tight
Letting go of the barriers
She's dancing on ice
The danger is so great
But her love is overwhelming
So her feet will continue
Dancing to the rhythm

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

[This message has been edited by PoeTik JusTice (04-18-2003 06:28 PM).]

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

1 posted 2003-04-18 06:29 PM

I'm glad you didn't feel the need to expand on this. Sometimes people don't know when to stop. I think this was a very good poem. There weren't many lines at all, but the lines that are there are essential to the sparkle of the gem.

Jaime

Haha... nevermind.

the faeries creep into my hair at night leaving it in terrible knots

[This message has been edited by Jaime (04-18-2003 06:30 PM).]

karebear07
Member

since 2003-04-15

Posts 64
Texas

2 posted 2003-04-18 06:41 PM

So beautiful!!
-kara <><

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

3 posted 2003-04-18 08:23 PM

I really liked this poem, my favorite lines are:
"The danger is so great
But her love is overwhelming
So her feet will continue
Dancing to the rhythm"

I thought it was a really good ending

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

4 posted 2003-04-18 08:28 PM

Very amazing and visual poem!
You can just see her dancing so gracefully.
Well done!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

5 posted 2003-04-18 09:34 PM

I think this poem was the perfect length for what you were writing about! Very good job. Great imagery! Overall, nice write!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

6 posted 2003-04-19 01:13 AM

Thanks for the feedback!! I forgot to add that this poem is actually about falling in love, but falling in love just reminded me of dancing on ice for some reason! Well, thanx everyone! *Dare 2 Dream*

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

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