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Teen Poetry #6
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"River Styx" ['to wake within her screams is but a comfort']
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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"River Styx" ['to wake within her screams is but a comfort'] |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Upon her raft, upon her shadows. With her paddle, she paddled 'long The waters of her sorrow. Her heartbeat warm against her breast She waited still for her unrest But screams, they do not wish, posess Her body cold from daylight 'morrow. Awake! She cries, but still she dies Among the silt of river Styx That suffocates her skin; her eyes They roll back dreams before her mind. Her boat, her shadows dock at last To watch the pictures of her past And why her soul could not surpass The stars that once, she knew. How she wished the world could hear her screams In black and blue with bloody seams So they could hear her weep with sorrow To die, but still she waits tomorrow. _________________________________________ This is why people need to come out of their houses and enjoy the sunshine.  Rhyming is whacky here, sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle. I figure that screaming is too often associated with death or destruction. In a way, it is, but at the same time, it's a sign of life, or rather, a wish to live. Aaaaaanyway...hope you can somewhat enjoy this. Leah  |
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| © Copyright 2003 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
I did more than somewhat enjoy it. Very good piece! I like the flow. Well done! WinterWren |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
People have no appreciation for good writing - 1 freakin' reply...IDIOTS!!!!!!!! Ok, now that's out of my system, another wonderful piece Leah. However, not as good as your others that I've seen. In the final lines, the first one seems a little out meter wise. It could have been the way I was reading it but...yeah, I have nothing to say now. Liar? Me? No...  Maybe a little. You've still captured a good scene and created some pwetty wittle imagery that manages to captivate as per usual. Thanks for posting and I'm glad I saw it even if some people can't read. *ignore me, I'm wired*  ~AF~ I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
"to wake within her screams is but a comfort" INDEED Beautiful write, Leah. The rhyming was interesting... surprisingly, not distracting in any way. Sometimes, everyone needs to open their eyes to more than their box.. Beautiful. --Marie "You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life) |
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AlostHeart Member
since 2003-05-01
Posts 78Wisconsin, U.S. |
Great write.... rhyming was good anyway! I'll be waiting for your next write......... Keep it up! ~Tori Louise~ Dont ever love a guy that will never love you back, no matter how hard you try. |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
I really like this one, it felt like when your hair gets wrapped around your face while you're sleeping and you wake up suffocating and desperate for air....that sort of screaming....screaming to breathe. Anyway, I'll stop my random rambles at this point and end by saying I really enjoyed this  Liz xxx [This message has been edited by ESP (05-22-2003 12:56 PM).] |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
hey, I like this one. True, the rhyming is a little off, but I think it only adds to the poem's meaning. I don't know if you'll understand what I just said, considereing I'm not even sure what I just said, LoL, but yeah anyway, good write, thanks for posting. Jenni Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their |
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