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Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2003-02-11 09:48 AM

It's ok, no really I'm fine,
It's just me against the world this time.
Trying to swallow me up again,
I lost it all to a deceitful friend.
You pushed me to the edge,
Now inside my heard do I pledge...

That I won't fall,
Lose it all,
No not this time.

The hate grows inside I begin to cry,
As a million smiles are passing me by.
Mentally broken, my body's bashed,
I just hope that I will last.
All alone on this edge,
With only my heart to make this pledge...

That I won't fall,
Lose it all,
No not this time.
That I won't die,
Look in my eye,
No not this time.

So far removed from happiness,
Somebody please take me from this.
I turned evil to the core,
And I can't take this anymore.
But I got to be strong out on that edge,
Because I'm the only one who can make this pledge...

That I won't fall,
Lose it all,
No not this time.
That I won't die,
Look in my eye,
No not this time.
That it won't be,
So bad for me,
No not this time.
No not this time.

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

1 posted 2003-02-13 09:50 PM

That would make an awesome song. Very well done and I absolutely know what you are expressing in this...many people would agree I'm sure.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

2 posted 2003-02-13 10:25 PM

i agree, this would make a good song. a lot of times repeating things makes a poem sound rather cheesy, but i think it works with this.

jenn

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2003-02-14 12:09 PM

This poem almost had me in tears.
Especially with the line, "I lost it all to a deceitful friend." Wow.
I've been to the edge too, and I stayed there for far too long. You're not alone.
If ever you feel the need to spill your guts to a complete stranger feel free to email me.
Hope all gets better soon

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

4 posted 2003-02-14 10:41 PM

i thought as this as more of song, but thats kool...anyways. this piece was very sad and intersting. I really enjoyed your first stanza. well, keep writing

Regina

"heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

5 posted 2003-02-15 09:30 AM

I agree with the rest of them. I thought of it as a song, and it would make a good one. I really like this. It brings back the feelings of when I was on the edge...Well anyways, great job. Keep it comin'!

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. -Kahlil Gibran

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

6 posted 2003-02-16 12:46 PM

this is a great poem. it really does seem like a song. a very good song.

~You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people, than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.~

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