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StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2003-02-06 09:20 PM

It’s quarter to 5,
Only about 20 degrees outside,
You drive with the window open anyways,
With your death wish hanging out of the car,
I secretly hope a car will come and knock your arm off,
Maybe then you’d think twice.

It’s 5 now,
Driving towards the intersection,
I hope and pray that the light will stay red for us,
‘Cause the song’s almost over,
And your cigarettes almost burnt out,
We only need a few extra minutes to pull ourselves together.

Quarter after six,
Watching the streetlights to see if it’s snowing yet,
My head’s against the window,
Your eyes are anywhere but on the road,
“Keep your hands on the wheel.”
I hate the way you touch me like it’s nothing.

6:30,
Flying through this town like red means go,
In the world we’ve built ourselves there’s no such thing as taking it slow,
You smile like a madman and I pray we don’t hit a patch of black ice,
“Come on, it‘s only February once.”
I love the way you make no sense when you’re happy.

It’s quarter to 7,
The car slows down so you can light another cigarette,
You roll down the window again and snow comes flying in,
I pretend not to mind because you seem so content,
And our few extra minutes have lasted two hours,
But we still need more time to pull ourselves together.

"It's hard to look in the mirror these days when everyone has everything you'd rather be."-Saves The Day

[This message has been edited by StellarChica (02-06-2003 09:33 PM).]

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2003-02-08 01:04 PM

I liked this grrrrrreat!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2003-02-08 04:17 PM

I love your style of writing...its so..real.
I like these lines: I hate the way you touch me like its nothing. I love the way you make no sense when your happy. I liked the ending a lot too. Thanks for sharing, very cool piece. I could see it all happening.
~Lexy

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2003-02-08 04:25 PM

I also like your style of writing and I loved this soooooo much.
Great job!!!
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

4 posted 2003-02-08 05:13 PM

The idea is really good. But I think that you get very prosey at points. The punctuation also makes every stanza seem like one long sentence which they are not. I think if you polished this, it would make very a very interestin read.

casey

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

5 posted 2003-02-08 08:52 PM

this was a great poem to read. i liked the style it was written in. good job.

~You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people, than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.~

SlowDrag
Member

since 2002-01-10

Posts 53
Tx...need i say more

6 posted 2003-02-10 01:16 AM

Wow. that was amazing....very real, one of those things that feels like it hits close to home. keep it up

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