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Teen Poetry #6
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I'm Sorry
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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I'm Sorry |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
I'm Sorry- I'm sorry. For coming into your life, And violating you. You had alot going on, When we were together. I wanted to help lighten your load, But rather, I made it heavier. I'm sorry. I meant you no harm. I came in the name of love, And created a wake of pain. I was much too young... For feelings of that capacity. I'm sorry. The only thing I want, Is to know I meant something to you... As you did to me. And whether or not, You'll forgive me... I'm sorry. We shared so much, but I'd give it all to you. My only wish in this life, Is that you wouldn't have fallen in love. So that you'd never have gotten hurt... And I, can stop hating myself... |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alex-lee Hryhorczuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Alex, hon, you know how I feel about this one. Definitely one of your best ones. I think because you've written from the heart, no holds barred.  Never stop writing hon  Monkey!! |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Awwww. Well that was heartfelt and beautiful. Time heals all wounds eventually. I'm sure she'll forgive you. Jenn "Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me." |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
 Awww...  What happened? |
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Pollita Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 220the unknown realm of insanity |
Aww alex!!!! That was so sad, and I have a mayjor feeling I know who this is about, And I think she'll forgive you...hopefully. And as for the poem---It was great. It made me cry!!!!!!!!! |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Thanks for all the replies guys! I really appreciate them...as always, heh! Raiden - *nods* Hehe...Raiden, according to you---all my new poems are the best ones! ~.^ Heh---but thank you very much! I'll admit my last poem "Raver's Ecstacy II: Dance of Eternity" was kinda forced---and I was hoping to dominate that one, with something from the heart. And if writing this in tears, by the light of lava lamp wasn't enough---well, I don't know what is  Jenn - It's not really a matter of her forgiving me---it's a matter of me, forgiving myself... Leah - Mmmm---this is a long story really. I've you on my MSN, so perhaps--- Delaney - Well, you were close on your guess! Although making you cry isn't what I'm proud of---I guess due to the fact that it was a poem, it's okay! --------------- Thanks to you all on your replies! I'll be sure to check out your works when I'm around! Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Alex my man, you've gone all soppy and soft! I love it though seriously, this is so wonderfully written, but i'll be back to lavish you with praise when I've had another chance to read it Andrew |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Hahahahahaha!!! Andrew---I'm not sure whether or not "you've gone all soppy and soft!" is a compliment or an insult! Haha---either way, I loved it! ^_^ Hehehe---I'm glad YOU liked it! I was almost WAITING for you to pick it apart! ~.^ But yes, Mr.Zu---come when you're ready! ^^; |
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barbaraj Member
since 2003-01-24
Posts 139Nova Scotia, Canada |
this was a great poem.  ~You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people, than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.~ |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
thank you Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
quote: First of all if you insist on having a comma on the second line then it would be advisable to not start the next line with “And”, though I guess you will probably remove the comma. If you do have “And” starting the third line, I would be tempted to make it “and”. The same would apply to “for”, “when”, “but”, “the”, “as”, “is” and “so”. Why? I hear you ask. Well I think that it would emphasise the apology. Obviously this is just my opinion and what I might do if this were my baby. quote: First of all “alot” should be “a lot”. I think this section is well written apart from the last line, “But rather, I made it heavier”, to me that sounded a little bit odd, maybe slightly forced, other than that, the only thing that I thought might help would be to separate “I wanted to help lighten your load,” into two lines. quote: Again I have to point out the use of a comma followed by “And” in the third/fourth line of the stanza. I really enjoyed this stanza, it was well written and I can really relate to it, the only thing that bugged me was the last (two) line(s), which felt slightly awkward. I think it was the use of “Capacity”, I think it has it’s place, but I wouldn’t recommend it in this context. quote: This stanza was extremely awkward to read, especially the third line, I think this might benefit from some re-working, having said that I enjoyed what you said and once again I can relate to it. quote: I’d suggest splitting up the second line of this stanza into two lines, in the third line, I would also drop “this”, which seems to be a bit unnecessary. The rest of this stanza felt awkward to read, once again what you say is wonderful, how it is said is a little confusing and in places not very easy on the eyes. I guess I only have one thing left to say which would be to drop the “…”, used once or twice they can be effective but five times? I guess I haven’t exactly lavished you with praise but I’m not quite finished, although I pointed a few things out they really didn’t stand out until I read the poem again. I still think this is a wonderful read, It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to relate to a piece on this kind of level and although there are a few things that I would change, it is a perfectly good piece without my meddling. I only hope that you continue to write such wonderful poetry and that you keep on sharing it with us. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I'm allowed to think all your new ones are your best hehe. It's one of my perrogatives (sp?) as your sista.Monkey!! |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
i enjoyed the poem, very outthere...and very sad...it reminded me of someone who believes himself insensitive. anyways beautiful poem Regina "heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
I honestly don't think you'll ever stop hating yourself for it. What you CAN do however, is to learn to overcome it. I'll be here for you, you know that darling.  Congratulations! It's a bisexual! |
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Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
Jeez, I stop checking in for a while and what happens? You guys try and slip a good piece like this past me? Love conquers all, so I must be in a losing battle. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Wow...you sound like my ex-boyfriend. This sounds like something he would write if only he could write poetry! This was amazing...very well written I loved it!Standing on the edge of the world |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Jeez, *I* leave for like 5 days---and I get a crud load more replies! Hehehe... Thank you all for your replies! And Andrew, you just LOVE picking apart my work---don't you? ~.^ Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I read this some time ago, but couldn't feel anything I wanted to write in response, so I stayed silient. I read it again, and again, just now.... it's a beautiful poem. As far as feelings, emotions, how real it feels.... basically, whether or not it matters in the end to the reader, it is one of your best. As far as it is, poetry-wise, I think you've done better. For one thing, I'm not too big a fan of repeating a phrase as often as you repeated "I'm sorry." The thing is, would it have been as true to what you were feeling as it is in it's current form if you had written it any different? Doesn't matter. I enjoyed it; very, very heartfelt. ~Titus Es ist gut, daß das Leben die Toten studieren sollte. |
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BabieDoll Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268BFE |
Great poem. I wish I could write like that. ~J.Lynn  "In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..." |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Awww---thanks you too! Hehehe...and Ti, I'm not one for rules of poetry, anyways! :P |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Alex~ I would have sworn I had already replied to this. I've read it a few times before, and I meant to reply, but apparently I hadn't done so yet. I apologize for being so late getting to it. Anyway...you've done an excellent job on this one. I have to agree with Rhonda. You do some of your best writing when you write from the heart, and this is most definitely from your heart. Wonderfully done, Alex. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Hawwww...thanks Vicky! Hehehe---I guess this poem just refuses to die! ~.^ Thanks you ALL for reading and replying! Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... |
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~*BayBee*~ Member
since 2003-04-09
Posts 65In The Clouds... |
OMIGOSH! This is a great poem! This is just like me and mah Ex boyfriend's relationship... Great writing! |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Great..just great! I can't think of anything else to say! ~Jess  "Poetry, she thought, wasn't written to be analyzed; it was meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding." -Nicholas Sparks |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
Honestly this is the best thing I've read in quite a while. It was beautiful, completely heartfelt, and completely awesome. geez I've got tears in my eyes and well that doesn't usually happen just from reading a poem. I too have been in that situation where I hate myself for hurting the one I love. I hope someday it gets better for me, you, and anyone else in that position because i know how much it hurts. Jenni You are what you make yourself to be. |
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A.L Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 131 |
Your poem was so great! I know this feeling all too well... *Why do we fall in love, when love will only tear us apart* -Ali- |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
ALEX!!!!!! WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN!!!! i never see you on yahoo but someone tells me that you are on there did ya get a new email or something? i miss talking to ya!! email me ok! robin i am who i am and that's all that i am and all i shall ever be and if you don't like who i am then leave! |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
That was so emotional and sad, but beautiful at the same time, Great Poem ~*~Karen~*~ |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Wow, I never expected this poem to get so much attention. I posted this up, so long ago! Wow---thank you ALL for your support and your comments. I love ya'll...THANKIES!!! ^_^ And yes, this kinda situation sucks...but hey, it can be conquered. Thank you all! This encourages me to write more! The world is good, and nothing bad ever happens! |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Alex, How long has it been since I read something from you. Ah, the whole relationship thing. Boy it sucks don't it. Yea I have a lot to update on my relation calender ( which is overflowing btw ) but anywho, boy this was good. I love it. It reminds me of something someone would write while sitting in the corner of a dark room alone. Ah, love that feeling. I really liked this. I just needed something like that to read, just to get me thinking again ( I am having one of those brain things where you just can't think worth crap. ) Anywho, I complement you on a job well done on this poem. I absoluty ( I know I can't spell bare with me ) loved it. riley Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Three cheers for bumping? LoL. Hi Alex.  ~Titus "On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died." |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
 Hehehe. Okay, I can't remember if I commented on this one yet...I probably haven't. No biggie. I didn't really feel much personally, but it's nothing against your poem or you. I guess I just have to be in that situation (and I'm naturally a bitter, cynical person...) but nonetheless, it was a very to-the-point poem that said exactly how you were feeling and sometimes, that's just the best road to take when you write. I question your comma use on the last line though. I felt that the last line just fell off a cliff and drowned somewhere with the comma, correct or not. I suggest taking it out to give it a better flow and effect. Hope to see you posting more! You've been absent lately.  Leah  |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Riley, Ti, Leah---it's nice to see old-schoolers like you three reply consecutively to my poem. Hehe, no offense to the others of course. Thank you ALL! The world is good, and nothing bad ever happens! |
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