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Teen Poetry #6
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"Solace Misplaced"
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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"Solace Misplaced" |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Reflects the light that hides behind the windows Of the stars. The age of winter draws closely to a child's weakened heart But warm are the summers still, that live quiet in her soul. Frost: erased by a tender hand that guides the stream of water, trickling Into the solid, wooden frame that holds her dreams in place, While her tangled hair and ravaged mind Complete the distance of her voice, Echoed in an empty perfume bottle. Outside her door, the world lies in wait With its lakes and rivers Its skies and stars and suns and moons... A hidden heaven on a wayward planet Orbiting the same orbit Reflected by the same mirror In the same room Of the same child... Of a different heartbeat. And, like a misplaced flower in winterbloom She waits and wonders When the crimson leaves will fall And turn blue. ________________________________________________________ It was hard coming up with a title for this one. I was debating between "souless" and "solace" for a while, but obviously, the better choice was solace. To me, re-reading this after writing it provided me with some kind of comfort, even though there are some points in the poem that reflect some obscure thought. Almost fell into the trap of past writings. o_O; But this one is definately one of my favorites, despite the freeverse-ness of it all. ~_^ No rhyming for me. Nope. Well, not yet. o_O;;; Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy this one. Let me know what you think. Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... [This message has been edited by chasing rain (02-02-2003 07:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ZetaCel Junior Member
since 2003-01-30
Posts 18 |
The structure of your sentances is well put together. Unfortunately, I read this after a loooong day of work and was confused by the whole aspect of straining my eyes on something. I will reread later! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
... GET BACK TO WORK! Your friendly neighbourhood slave-driver, Leah ^^ [This message has been edited by chasing rain (02-02-2003 07:39 PM).] |
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ZetaCel Junior Member
since 2003-01-30
Posts 18 |
I tried. They told me to get out.  ---------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
THOSE FIENDS! |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
quote: I like the imagery you present in the first two lines of the poem, very strong and vivid. The wording of the second and third line threw me a little, “Of the stars” felt out of place stuck out there and in my mind it didn’t sound right but awkward. quote: There is a nice instance of enjambment used effectively to draw the reader in to the poem: quote: It almost felt that I could feel the words, trickling onto the page like the water from the stream, intentional or not it was effective. The imagery once again is vivid. I liked the idea of some wooden structure holding dreams in place. quote: I felt this section was well written, not a lot to comment on really, without repeating nice imagery etc… the only thing I will say is that I thought you used “same” too much and that “orbiting the same orbit” did not work for me. quote: I just loved this ending, extremely sad but very well written, the colours just add to the imagery and the feel of the poem, It was a great pleasure to read the poem, thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece of poetry with us. Andrew  |
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