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Flutter
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Flutter |
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PoetryIsLife 
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... 
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The bearer of love has fluttered off chasing the wind I or she? The bearer of love has fluttered off chasing the wind I or she? I or she? |
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| © Copyright 2003 Daniel Redding - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
An observation if I may? you repeat the only verse that you have without adding anything? why? In my opinion, it's extremely pointless, if you repeated it and it added something to the poem I could understand but it is the same lines. Apart from that point, it was very well written, I enjoyed the read, maybe a little short but the quality was high.  Andrew |
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barbaraj Member
since 2003-01-24
Posts 139Nova Scotia, Canada |
 i liked this poem. even the repetiton.  i happen to be a fan of repeating. i happen to be a fan of repeating. lol.  A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ... |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Thanks, everyone. Um, Zu? Not really sure 'why' exactly I repeated it. It's the way I'm feeling the poem, the way the poem is speaking to me, what's going on in my heart and mind as I'm writing.... I follow my instincts. The poem I heard and read in myself was thus what I posted... I wanted the words to sink in, have the secondary effect as well.... by that I mean, read the first stanza, go "Hmm... allright, interesting." then read the second stanza, go, "Allright, I get it a bit more. He was saying this, or that." then read my final stanza/line, and the most important line of the poem is asked one more time. Sufficient reply? ~Titus Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
quote: Well to be honest Titus it's not my way of doing things and I really don't think that it's effective, my reaction to see a whole stanza repeated was "he obviously thought it needed to be longer but couldn't think of a new way to word his meaning". Now you say that you want the read to think about the meaning more, saying the same thing again won't help you have to add something or rephrase your statement, or you are merely inviting boredom. If it was my poem I would simply leave it like this: quote: that way you have said all that you are going to say without repeating everything, by repeating the last line "I or She?" you leave the question firmly fixed in the person's mind. However if you are determined to have a second stanza then I would suggest that you reword it, so that it says the same thing in a different way. Anywhoo great write keep up the good work |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I'll consider your thoughts, Andrew. I have to say, they make sense. Maybe with a bit more work, it'd be better. I'll do my best to work on it admist the homework. ~Titus Es ist gut, daß das Leben die Toten studieren sollte. |
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