They - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

IndigoEve
Member

since 2003-01-10

Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time

0 posted 2003-01-26 01:42 PM

This poem is a little odd, and I don't know what to interpret from it....Any suggestion/comments would be well appreciated.

Come quietly
Creep silently
They could
Hear us now
A multitude of
Secrets
We are shielding
We must keep still
And be soundless
They could
Catch us now

Move agilely
Sneak hurriedly
They may
Feel us now
A lifetime of
Mysteries
We are guarding
We must be swift
And hold steady
They may
Sense us here

For centuries
We have been free
Till they came
And captured us
Our gathering of
Treasures
They tried to steal
We won't give in
We will save them
They can not
Find them now

Bolt rapidly
Rush speedily
They have
Seen us now
Our collection of
Valuables
Were covered but
Are safe no more
We tried to run
And yet we lost
For they have
Found us now

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2003-01-26 02:32 PM

I so don't know what it's about at all,
but beacause Im alittle odd too, I like it.
I'd probably like it if I wasn't odd too.
*shrugs*
It's hard to come up with suggestions when I don't know what the topic is.
Sorry.

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2003-01-26 11:01 PM

I like this. Made me think of the white takeover of North America. *shrugs* I could be listening too much to my geography prof. I like this though

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

3 posted 2003-01-27 12:40 PM

To me it sounds almost like a dream, you know the kind where you wake up and can't remember the actual dream but you can remember the feelings? I don't know maybe maybe not very intruging though, I like it!

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

4 posted 2003-01-27 09:57 AM

i liked this poem, i'm not quite sure why, but i liked it nonetheless.

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

AJMGW
Member

since 2002-11-19

Posts 57
Galaxy Roller Rink

5 posted 2003-01-27 12:47 PM

Sounds so out there. I a good way.
kind of mysterous. I like it!

IndigoEve
Member

since 2003-01-10

Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time

6 posted 2003-01-27 03:40 PM

hey everyone....

Thanks again for all the great replies....I had some other people read this, and they said that it reminded them of the native americans being pushed off of their lands....and the african american slaves of the 1800's as well....hmmm, so to each their own opinion, i guess...

Thanks again!

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

7 posted 2003-01-27 06:34 PM

My interpretation? If I were the narrator..me myself would be the collective "us," hiding my everything--different parts of my personality, of my being, my soul, etc--and fearing what might happen if somebody finds it all. Then they do. And I'm despairing...even though (because of the first two lines, commands) I wanted them to find me.

Very sad. But an excellent poem. One thing I might suggest changing is all the capitalization. I know it seems formal that way, but it takes away from some of the focus that could instead be on the words themselves.

  ~Carly

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
   Old Time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles to-day
   To-morrow will be dying."
             ~Robert Herrick

[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (01-27-2003 06:35 PM).]

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.