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Teen Poetry #6
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lalala....untitled
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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lalala....untitled |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada 
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NOTE:i don't think was very well written but that is ok....i encourage comments...cuz i dont know how the button works, maybe there isnt a button anymore....anyways...enjoy January 24,2003 Unpleasant is the image of your waiting face kind is your anger this darkness spins out of control complete dumbfounded by your easy arrogence,a charm wasted You can't hide behind your bitterness is only makes me angry deep thoughts, well no deep breaths this aneurysm of friendship the quality of your rancor dissuades me from continuing discouragement to the fullest a painful restart button is this happiness I leave behind are those tears I figured not, no one has cried for me How'd it get so awful the physical, sliced upon with bitterness insensitivity of the soul shoved aside in the heat disarmed of caring all thoughts aside your insensitivity is not harmless.... Regina M. Levy |
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| © Copyright 2003 Regina Levy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
I liked this.. though I think if you read it and re-wrote it, with some difference in formatting or small word choice, you might have a masterpiece... still good work tho as is. One thing i generally love about poetry is that it's timeless... the people die out and the objects fade but in a hundred thousand years though the language may change and translations made, the feelings still exist the same. That is why I suggest you change this line: "a painful restart button" because in a hundred years, you can telepathically ask something to restart. no buttons involved! They will be wondering what you're talking about!!! Try something less specific to today, but with the same meaning? nice write... just giving you the comments you asked for!! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
restart button <--- means a lot of things great to see you still posting though my time here in PIP has been limited I'll never not find a time to read your posts thanks for sharing Ina  là où est mon amour? |
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