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Teen Poetry #6

Outside the gate

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

0 posted 2003-01-24 08:42 PM

I build the walls you live behind
and sit outside the gate to cry
You are my epiphany

But I am not content to sleep
All day I long for those sweetest dreams
then lie awake all night
and tell myself not to scream

It's only the angst that eats me away
If I bleed, I'll think about the pain
and maybe not the ache

You are my fantasy
So ride your white horse into the sunset
and remain so impossibly complete
I would only poison your poetry
Like everyone else who cries to sleep
and won't let you see

You are the truer beauty
I only pretend to be
I am a unique mimicry
because I can't find what I need

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

1 posted 2003-01-24 08:47 PM

i found nothing lacking in this poem. it was great; i could picture it in my head

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

2 posted 2003-01-24 08:55 PM

Very, very impressive. I honestly, with first read, can't see to much that would need improving.

If I see another thing during another reading, I'll be sure to let you know.

~Titus

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--Aldous Huxley

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

3 posted 2003-01-24 09:20 PM

Thank you both.

Titus - Your praise is all the more humbling for the fact that I have read some of your poems and I respect your opinion.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

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