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Teen Poetry #6

All You Wanted It To Be

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2003-01-23 11:51 AM

C'mon go ahead whisper you very last into me,
And tell me, is this all you wanted it to be?
A life once lived with over zealous exaggeration,
Can't possibly end, in this much devastation.

C'mon go ahead its ok to cry,
I would too if I were caught in your lie,
Embrace me man, and I'll absolve all your sins,
And show you that blood soaked road paved with skin,

C'mon go ahead cheat your whole life through,
That's fine with me because it's comin' back to you,
Heaven's how you make it while Hell's how you live it,
But don't worry because the fire only stings a little bit.

C'mon go ahead it's your last and final chance,
Keep livin' how you do if your life you wish not to enhance,
So go ahead whisper you very last into me,
And tell me, is this all you wanted it to be?

[This message has been edited by Darkness (01-24-2003 10:16 AM).]

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2003-01-23 03:04 PM

Wonderfully written... powerful and good lines. It's really... really... really.... really.... good. A friend told me to read it and she's right. We went through it and loved the lines. It's just so good... i love this:

Heaven's how you make it while Hell's how you live it,

And show you that blood soaked road paved with skin,

But i don't like the "enbrace me man" it seemed too... casual for the rest of the poem. Overall wonderful job!!!! SOOOO GOODDDD!!!!!!!

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

2 posted 2003-01-28 01:37 PM

well written. very powerful. i agree that the ''embrace me man'' seemed too causal for the poem but it flow with the poem..

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

Dean
Member

since 1999-11-23

Posts 120
Canada

3 posted 2003-01-28 02:04 PM

Awesome poem! My favorite lines were
"Embrace me man, and I'll absolve all your sins,And show you that blood soaked road paved with skin" Awesome!Keep up the good shizal!

James Dean ;)

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